Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Sam: No. She’s asking if you think she should let her underage daughter go dressed up as either of those people, and the answer is hell no. Or even, oh hell no. If he’s looking for a French theme, she can go as Joan of Arc or Marie Curie.
Jory: I think if he’s expecting her to dress up sexy for Halloween, she needs to examine if that’s what she wants to do. There’s no reason for her not to do it if she wants to, because Halloween is for being someone or something you’re not. But she’s also 16, so if she wants to be Lady Godiva, great, but they have to stay at your house and pass out candy to the kids. There has to be a tradeoff since she’s only 16. Now if he wants them to be Marie Antoinette & Louis XVI, both of them headless (because that would be awesome), then she can go to a party, because those are big heavy costumes with lots of layers so you have built-in protection right there. But since she’s only 16, she can’t be out that late anyway.
Sam: Exactly.
Jory: If he’s thinking about majoring in French in college, this all makes some kind of sense. If he just thinks it’s hot or kinky—you need to have a talk with your daughter about how much she is or isn’t into this guy.
Sam: I can come talk to him. Just give me a call at the Federal Building in downtown Chicago. Better yet, I can send some marshals out to talk to this kid tomorrow.
Jory: That’s a big no on the Marquis de Sade’s girlfriend’s costume or Lady Godiva.
Sam: Huge no.
DEAR JORY:
My introverted 17-year-old son wants to be Thor for Halloween, but he doesn’t quite have the body for it, and I don’t want anyone to make fun of him. I was wondering if you thought I should steer him into another direction, like something funny.
Jory: If he wants to be Thor, he should be Thor. The point is how he feels in the costume, and maybe if he’s out there, being Thor, he will be super confident and will talk to lots of people and everyone will remember him being amazing as the god of thunder.
Sam: It’s wonderful that you’re concerned about how your kid is perceived, but how he feels is the most important thing. That and looking as great as he can. Please do whatever you can to make that costume look as authentic as humanly possible. Because if the costume is awesome, people will compliment him, he’ll feel good, he’ll interact more, and it’s win-win all around. ProTip: costume must be flawless.
Jory: I agree. Holy crap. Alert the media. The planets must be in alignment.
Sam: Don’t be a smartass.
DEAR JORY:
I allowed my daughter to have a Halloween party, and now we have at least thirty kids coming to hang out, watch movies, and maybe even dance downstairs in our basement. She asked if the kids could have beer, and I am on the fence. I told her I’m collecting keys, and I’ll be there all night to chaperone. But how do you feel about the drinking?
Jory: Underage drinking is a no just because, well, underage drinking for starters. And even if you’re there, if some kid walks home and then takes a car out, you’re liable. Of if they get hurt walking home because they dart across a street but are no longer coordinated and fall and get hit, you’re liable. It’s like the guys who drink at bars after work and then drive home or the folks who drink at baseball games and then drive home—I think you’re in a weird area. I think the rule should be that they can drink at your house only if the next morning when they’re hungover and barfy, they have to eat a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray.
Sam: Weird Science reference. Nice.
Jory: I think you tell her no on the beer and explain that Halloween is on a Wednesday and going to school hungover would be a huge bummer.
Sam: And physically painful. You can take her to the drunk tank on Thursday morning and she can see all the college kids hacking up a lung. It will be educational.
Jory: Also gross.
Sam: So very gross.
DEAR JORY:
My daughter wants to go to her first Halloween costume party, but due to her social anxiety, she has to take her emotional support dog along. I’m concerned about her going at the same time I’m thrilled that she wants to. Thoughts?
Jory: I say let her go and think up something epic for her and her dog to be. Like Mabel and Waddles from Gravity Falls or Eleven, and have the dog be either Dart or a full-grown Demogorgon, or even a Demodog.