Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Sam: She could be Daenerys Targaryen, and the dog could be one of her dragons.
Jory: Little Red Riding Hood, and her dog could be the wolf, or flip it around. That would be better.
Sam: Anything that goes together like peas and carrots, peanut butter and jelly, or they could both be skeletons. Whatever they go as, the other kids will love.
DEAR JORY:
What are some costumes you have worn for Halloween over the years?
Jory: I was Cleopatra one year, and my friend Dylan was Marc Antony, which was dorky but fun. I was also a rent boy one year, and my date was my pimp, but that got weird and confusing and I almost got booked for solicitation.
Sam: Of course you did.
Jory: I was an angel one year, and I was out on a balcony, and the wind caught the wings funny and that was touch and go for a second.
Sam: Christ.
Jory: I was Peter Pan, which came off kinda porny, and a pirate and a hit man.
Sam: Did you have a gun?
Jory: I had a water gun.
Sam: Thank God. The idea of you with a firearm is terrifying.
Jory: That’s why you’re going to teach me.
Sam: When did I agree to that?
Jory: Years ago.
Sam: I don’t think that was me. I think that was your other husband.
Jory: Must have been.
Sam: …
Jory: Don’t growl. We both know it was you, because I’ve never had another husband or another love. You’re the only one.
Sam: Fine. I’ll take you to the shooting range.
Jory: Thank you, dear.
DEAR JORY:
I really want to dress up as something super slutty for Halloween this year to shock my boyfriend. He thinks I’m such a Goody Two-shoes, and I want to show him that there are many facets of me. What do you think I should be?
Jory: If you’re dressing up for you, to feel strong and powerful and sexy—that’s awesome. But don’t be something different from you just for him.
Sam: Be Sandy from Grease. That’ll let him know things’ve changed.
Jory: Really?
Sam: What? They both changed. Danny became a jock, traded in his leathers for the letterman sweater, and Sandy went all black Lycra bodysuit and red heels. What would be really funny is if she suggests that that’s what they go as, and when he shows up in the T-Bird leather jacket and slicked-back hair thinking he’s picking up Sandy at the beginning of the movie in a poodle skirt and ponytail and she comes out like end-of-the-movie Sandy instead.
Jory: They might not make it to the party.
Sam: They can have their own party.
Jory: No doubt.
DEAR JORY:
What are you and your kids and your hubby all going to be for Halloween this year? And do you all dress up as a family or as individuals?
Jory: We do both. Last year my daughter was Bruce Lee from Enter the Dragon, and she looked amazing in the yellow jumpsuit, and my son was Captain Reynolds, one of his favorites, and his two best friends were Wash and Badger. I was an angel, and so was Chilly, our cat, because I got him a tiny pair of wings that he wore all night. Dobby, our Chihuahua, was a werewolf, which was so funny I almost pissed myself laughing. He looked ridiculous.
Sam: Yes, he did, and making him wear that was mean.
Jory: Last year my husband had to work, but the year before he was Hutch and I was Starsky and I rocked the belted Starsky sweater.
Sam: It was horrible.
Jory: It was hot. And my husband in brown corduroy bell-bottoms, a yellow turtleneck, and a long maroon pleather jacket was probably one of the greatest moments of my life.
Sam: Your life needs a better highlight reel.
Jory: I wanted to climb you like a tree.
Sam: Really? That’s oversharing.
Jory: I wonder if we still have that stuff somewhere.
Sam: The only thing that was good about that costume is that I got to wear my shoulder holster and no one thought twice about it.
Jory: The best part of that costume was how amazing your ass looked in those pants.
Sam: God.
Jory: Don’t shake your head at me!
Sam: This year the four of us are going as Ghostbusters, and it should be fun.
Jory: I’m so excited! Aaron is making the proton packs for us.
Sam: What?
Jory: Hannah asked him to, so somebody is making them, and then afterwards, he’s donating them in her name for an auction to benefit the homeless shelters in the city.
Sam: We don’t need Aaron Sutter to make anything.
Jory: You’re coming late to the party. She asked a month ago when you finally gave in and said you’d go as Venkman.
Sam: How do these things keep happening to me?
Jory: It’s gonna be amazeballs.
DEAR JORY:
What do you do after the trick-or-treaters are gone and the party is over and it’s just you and your family?
Jory: Every year, so far, on Halloween, we eat tacos and watch Sleepy Hollow with Johnny Depp and Christina Ricci and finish it off by having candy apples that I put in the freezer first so they slice easy. I hope it stays our tradition as long as it can, but I know things will change as the kids get older. We leave the candles going in the pumpkins until after midnight, when it goes from being Halloween to All Saint’s Day, and then, and only then, do I blow them out. Don’t want any stray spirits in the house. The next day all the decorations go down that are Halloween themed, and I leave up all the fall stuff and put out the Thanksgiving pillows, towels, the wreath on the door and over the mantel, the candlesticks, and all the rest of it.