Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Hannah: It’s not funny!
Jory: No. No it’s not.
Hannah: We were playing! And poor Dean took one look at Dad and ran home and left his moped!
Jory: He left his moped?
Hannah: Yes. His mom had to drive him over later to pick it up.
Jory: Doesn’t he live, like, three blocks away?
Hannah: Ohmygod, took you long enough.
Jory: You know—
Hannah: It’s a problem.
Jory: What is?
Hannah: The fact that your husband is scary!
Jory: Is it a problem?
Hannah: Pa!
Jory: You know, I don’t think this question qualifies as––
Hannah: I want to know how you un-scare the crap out of someone.
Jory: I’m not sure that’s possible, and you’re not allowed to date yet anyway.
Hannah: But I can have friends over, and he’s super sweet.
Jory: Saying hello in the hall at school is fun.
Hannah: This is not helpful, and you have not answered my question. This column of yours will never catch on. You have no future as a blogger either.
Jory: Maybe you and your father and Dean could go on an outing together. Don’t you think that’s worth contemplating?
Hannah: That’s not the worst idea you’ve ever had.
Jory: Well, I feel so vindicated. Thank you very much.
Hannah: I’m deducting points for sarcasm.
DEAR JORY:
Now that the kids are all upstairs, I have a question. What if you are really, on a deeply spiritual level, against a certain sport or activity that your kid loves? (Submitted by Aubrey Jenner)
Jory: Are you talking about, like, joining a gang or becoming a Nazi or something? Because that you need to do a big-time intervention for and––
Sam: If it’s Nazis, I can take care of that myself, because as a known violent hate group, the marshals’ office coordinates with the FBI. If it’s a gang, depending on the affiliation, I’ll have my guy in charge of Custodial WITSEC reach out to Chicago PD and the anti-gang taskforce.
Jory: So is it one of those or something else or…what?
Aubrey: Uhm, it’s Junior ROTC.
There was a long silence.
Sam: I’m sorry?
Aubrey: I don’t want my son anywhere near the military because I don’t agree with military action at all, anywhere, but Chisholm is killing it in JROTC.
Sam: Okay, well. I think to religion, abortion, and politics we should add the military as something not to talk about.
Jory: No, don’t go away.
Sam: I just need to check on the chili. I’ll be right back.
Aubrey: Shit.
Jory: It’s okay. We all have our own feelings about things.
Rick: I think that unless your kid is into something that promotes hate mongering or criminal behavior, or, like, beauty pageants––
Dylan: There’s nothing wrong with beauty pageants, especially now that the swimsuit competition has been axed. It should be about brains and your heart, nothing else.
Aja: I agree that with the changes in pageants focusing more on intelligence and poise, social awareness, and a commitment to the community, both local and global, then they make a lot more sense.
Aubrey: You think ROTC is great, Rick, but I don’t. So I’m asking Jory, what do you do when what your kid wants and what you want, don’t line up?
Jory: Didn’t your mother hate cheerleading because she thought it was elitist and skeezy?
Aubrey: Yes.
Jory: And weren’t you the captain of your squad in high school?
Aubrey: Where are you going with this? JROTC and cheerleading are not the same.
Jory: This is your kid, though, right? I mean, he might pursue a military career and he might not. The important thing is that he’s got a good heart and parents who love him. It’s not your life, it’s his, after all.
Aubrey: True. But still, I worry.
Aja: All parents worry.
Rick: Come here.
Aubrey: Get off me, Jenner, I mean it.
Jory: Hard to tell when you kiss him like that.
Dylan: That looks more like a lap dance.
Aubrey: You guys are—I need to go talk to Sam. I’ll be right back.
Aja: Just hug him; he has no idea what to do with overt physical affection.
Jory: That’s mean.
Aja: And yet true.
DEAR JORY:
What are you supposed to do when your seventeen-year-old son wants to date someone in college? (Submitted by Evan Rheems)
Jory: Bryce wants to date a college girl?
Evan: He doesn’t want to, he was, until Loudon busted him.
Aja: How did you do that?
Loudon: When we gave him his phone, I put in a password so I had a backdoor way in, and I didn’t want him to ever be able to turn off the location.
Dylan: So you can always find his phone.
Evan: Exactly.
Loudon: Because we have the password, we made sure to sync his messages to our iCloud. That way we can see everything.
Dylan: You don’t think you’re violating his privacy?
Evan: He’s violating his word. I think that takes precedence. We told him that he couldn’t see her; he said he wouldn’t, and he still was. He’s a liar.
Aja: Yes, he is.
Loudon: She’s twenty-one, you guys. What does a twenty-one-year-old woman want with my son, who still has a learner’s permit?