Total pages in book: 77
Estimated words: 77287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 386(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77287 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 386(@200wpm)___ 309(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
“I need to go find Ollie,” Niko tells me, standing up.
“I’m sure he missed you last night.”
“He did. I sent him a pic when I showered last night, though, so I’m sure he enjoyed that.”
“Too much information, Niko, for fuck’s sake.”
He puffs out a laugh and gives me a fist-bump before leaving. “Everything’s going to work out fine, Wes. See you later.”
As he leaves and I’m left alone in the front room, I don’t know if I can believe that.
With every passing day that week, it feels more and more like the night when Sev kissed me was a surreal dream.
A fluke.
The last burst of a physical fling that must have died out.
Sev doesn’t interact with me much for the rest of the week. He sent me and Niko a quick text early on to say he was “handling shit with Kieran,” but that’s all we get. I see him in Sellwood’s class, but he stays serious at the front of the classroom, always focused on grading exams or doing work on his laptop. When class breaks up at the end for discussion, he goes to other groups, and not mine.
And I look down at my wrist, toying with the watch he gave me, and halfway through the week I take it off and stop wearing it.
Something about it feels wrong, now.
He doesn’t text me for many days in a row, and I’m too chickenshit to text him, either.
As I should expect, I remind myself.
Sev hates attachments of any kind.
And after that kiss he probably wants to get as far away from you as possible.
But my mind plays that kiss on repeat, over and over again. The stolen moment in the dark kitchen. How they still tasted slightly minty fresh from mouthwash, and how his hands felt around my bare waist. I even think of him pulling over and kissing me outside that stupid empty gas station, and how raw it felt in the moment.
But mostly I think of how his eyes looked when he thanked me for coming to his mom’s house that day.
It was more genuine than anything I could have expected.
He was so real with me, in that moment.
And it was nice to have that brief glimpse into Sevan’s world.
I’m out jogging when Sev finally shows up.
I’d almost convinced myself that he wasn’t ever going to talk to me again by the end of the week, right before he showed up next to me here on campus, his shoes crunching on the path right behind mine.
At first I’m oblivious.
It’s clear there’s another runner somewhere close behind me, but I’m running through campus, so it’s not too uncommon.
But he keeps pace with me, and when I turn to see Sev, I know I’m fucked.
Every cell in my body comes alive when I see him.
When I realize he’s here for me.
He knows I run after Sellwood’s class most days, and his presence instantly changes the air around me.
I hate it.
He has far too much power over me.
I want to tackle him to the goddamn ground and kiss him until I can’t breathe. I want the world to freeze for a minute, or an hour, or a whole week so that we can stay somewhere together and be unbothered, back in our fantasy world.
And I fucking hate that I want his body this much.
I’m here drooling for him like a dog, when he probably hasn’t even thought about me once this week.
Hasn’t acknowledged my existence at all.
I play it cool and try to ignore him, looking at him once and then looking forward again, continuing on my run. I’m not forcing anything out of Sevan Berlant.
But as he catches up to me and then jogs a little bit in front of me, looking at me with those grey eyes that penetrate to my goddamn soul, I know I’m lying to myself.
Yep.
I still fucking want you, asshole.
No one could ignore you.
How the fuck could I even try?
“Hi,” he says softly, and I realize I even missed his voice.
I don’t respond.
I keep the intolerable, all-consuming fireworks show inside my body a secret, because he can’t know the effect he has on me.
I just keep running.
And he stays in pace, right at my side.
16
Sev
“You look hot when you run.”
Weston doesn’t bat an eyelash at my words.
I’ve been running beside him now for a while, and he’s only glanced up at me once, before I fell into rhythm with him and started jogging at his side.
I thought he’d be out making his usual laps around campus around this time, and I was right. He often runs with his bestie, but Rayne isn’t there this time. He’s been silent, trying his hardest to ignore me.
“And you look like someone who’s way too obsessed with me,” he says back, his breath broken up with every footfall as he runs.