Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
“Obviously, I’ve considered all that.” And him bringing it up only adds to how overwhelmed I already feel about it all.
“Well, I don’t like the idea of someone getting off inside you repeatedly while you’re just trying to do something that puts you in such a vulnerable position, and not just your body, but with what this means to you.”
“Please don’t try to make it sound seedier than it already is,” I say, turning away from him. I can’t look at him while my cheeks are this hot. Doesn’t he get how humiliating this is? He doesn’t have to rub it in.
He moves closer. “Alexei, you know me.” He pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket, keying around before displaying it for me. I don’t know what I’m looking at until I see all the negatives. “I got tested last week. Everything’s good.”
“Don’t show me that,” I say, swatting his phone away.
He tucks it back in his pocket. “Come on. It’s not like I’m gonna like it, so it’ll just be clinical. We do that, and we get through it. Together. And I swear to you, no one will ever fucking know a damn thing about it. I’ll protect you. Your privacy. Your body. I know I can’t stop you from doing this, but it doesn’t have to be a fucking nightmare.”
My gaze meets his, and as I look into his eyes, I don’t doubt how serious he is, yet I can’t make sense of it. “You’d do that for me?”
“I told you, I get why you need to do this, but it doesn’t have to be dangerous.”
It reminds me of what he said about his biological parents. Not knowing. Evidently, I’ve underestimated him. Especially with what he’s suggesting. It’s another indication of what a stand-up guy he is.
I sigh. If only it were that easy. “Matteo, you must know that’s not gonna work. Like, physically,” I say, looking to his crotch.
“I’ve already googled this, and—”
I’m thrown again. “Wait, you’ve been googling to figure out how you’re gonna fuck me?” I can’t help chuckling as the words escape my lips.
He lets out a nervous laugh too. “I’ve been googling a lot of wild shit recently. I can take some Viagra. I just had to do a questionnaire online, so they’re being shipped. It only works if you’re turned on, but we can work that out. I can pull up porn on my phone. But we’re basically covered.”
“You did all this before discussing it with me?”
“I was hoping it would help me talk you into it.”
This was not the conversation I was expecting. Like…at all.
It’s more than a little annoying that he’s done all this without talking to me, but also, feels nice that as fucked up as it will be for him, he’s willing to help me out. “Noble as it may be, I can’t accept your help. This is my issue. I can’t drag you into it any more than I already have.”
He steps toward me. “Please, Alexei. If you do this without me, it’ll be so much worse for me. I’ll be constantly worrying about you. Stressing if you’re safe and okay. If you won’t do it for your own sake, do it for mine.”
His worry’s written all over his face. A warmth stirs in my chest because as much as I want him to back off, it’s nice that he gives a damn. And he’s not wrong. If I did this stuff with him, it would be safer. And a hell of a lot easier to work out with someone who gets what’s going on, rather than having to make up excuses with a stranger to follow through with it.
As weird as it will be doing this with Matteo, even just telling him what I have about the Saints and Sinners, there’s relief in knowing I’m not dealing with it all alone like I was at the start of the school year.
“You’re considering it,” he observes.
“I’ll consider it, but again, Preston could message me in a bit, and we find out we don’t need to do this at all.”
“I have a feeling if you thought that was true, you wouldn’t have gone through all that trouble with getting that notebook.”
I really hate how many times he’s been right tonight.
“Just promise me you’ll seriously consider it,” he says, stepping closer. He reaches out and rests his hand on my arm, and there’s something soothing about his touch.
“I’ll consider it,” I concede.
His lips tug into a gentle smile, which seems weird as hell given what we’ve been talking about.
“Can you imagine if Brad and Luke knew we were talking about you fucking me?” I joke.
We both chuckle, then just as quickly, fall silent as the weight of reality hits us once again.
I shake my head. “Okay, now let me head out.”