Total pages in book: 138
Estimated words: 133034 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 665(@200wpm)___ 532(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133034 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 665(@200wpm)___ 532(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
Josh smiles, raising his eyebrows.
“Vinnie’s got into your head, well and truly. Heath is a very different character. He’s not about shock rock and parading like a hot freak onstage. He works on a TV show and lives like a recluse outside of it.”
“I know.”
“We need to keep him safe, Ells. We need to keep us safe, too. Our careers safe. His career safe. There is so much at stake and so much to lose.”
Josh’s walls are up high, and I adore how protective he is, even though I know he’s feeling the same pull for more as I am. But what if those walls came down hard, for all three of us? What if there was a whole new life waiting on the other side?
“There goes the lip thing again,” Josh says, tapping my bottom lip playfully. “Listen up. When we last saw Heathy baby, we agreed we would all think about things. Your answer doesn’t need to be the same as mine. Your reasoning doesn’t have to match up.”
“We’re partners, though,” I say. “It’s a united front.”
“We’ll always be a united front on the road together. Whether we agree on specific factors or not, it makes no odds.” He plants a gentle kiss on my lips. “Stop putting other people before yourself all the time. Stop doubting your own beliefs and sacrificing your truth to live up to other people’s ideals. You’re far too beautiful a soul to clip your own wings.”
I smile. “You sound like Vinnie now. Poetic and philosophical.”
“Ha. Not with a microphone in my hand, I wouldn’t.”
“I dunno. You sounded alright in our late night singsong.”
He laughs, his awesome smile at full beam.
“I’m hardly rock god material. Or TV star material for that matter. I’d make a shit vampire if I was in Heath’s shoes.”
At Josh’s words the theme song of Nighttime Whispers comes into my head. It pangs bad.
I look back out of the window, wondering if our Heathy baby is out there. I know the direction of his place, far in the distance. I wonder if he’s home right now. It would be so easy to get a cab over and knock at his door. But my heart toughens up at that thought. The Agency rules are there for a reason. I don’t want to jeopardise them. Not for Heath, and not for us, either.
Damn it. I’m churning, stewing, driving myself mad with what ifs.
“Ells, listen to me,” Josh says. “We can talk things through for the next three days straight if that’s what you want, I’ll always be here to listen, but your values and wants and needs and fears all belong to you. You need to be true to you. Not to me. Not to my logic or reason or experience. To you.”
Something about that sentiment feels alien. Putting me first, as me. Ella. Without giving first place away to my notions of what I should do for the sake of other people.
I’d lay down my life for Josh, or my parents, or Heath. I’d walk through fire to keep Tiff and Eb safe. But I’m someone I need to be willing to walk through fire for, too. I have to be Ella. For me.
And I need to be proud of it.
Fuck it. The onion layers go far deeper than I ever gave credit to.
I snuggle against my boyfriend, thankful for the sanctity of his love. He isn’t out to control me, or influence me, or manipulate me into doing his bidding. Not even when the subject directly concerns him. I wrap an arm around his strong shoulders and whisper I love you, banishing all other thoughts from my mind.
“I love you too, baby. For ever and always,” he says.
It’s a quiet few days for us on the proposals front, but my mind is churning away in the background. I have video calls with my parents, who always gush with relief whenever they see the smile back on my face. Josh and I meet up with Tiff and cackle over a bottle of Prosecco while she moans about Christmas tunes coming so early.
“They should set up a compensation fund,” she says. “I want a quid for every single time I have to listen to Mariah. I’d make more in a month than on a fucking proposal.”
I wish I could tell her about Vinnie, and Heath, and everything we’ve got going on behind the scenes, but I don’t do it. I don’t break the confidentiality, even though it stinks. I could scream from the rooftops about how amazing my night with a rockstar was, and how loved up both me and Josh are about heartthrob Heath, and I’d love her input as to what she thinks back to normal would look like for us going forward.
Christmas is coming, and all I want for Christmas is… Josh and Heath. Together. With me.