Total pages in book: 139
Estimated words: 133655 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 668(@200wpm)___ 535(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133655 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 668(@200wpm)___ 535(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
Drew gets up and brings me one of the coffees he picked up at Brower on his way here this morning and sets it in front of me. “Hazelnut, right?”
“Yeah.” I nod. “Thanks.”
He’s good. Thoughtful. The kind of guy who remembers what you order and pulls out your chair and probably sends flowers on random Tuesdays.
And still, my chest aches.
Because Ace looked at me like I’d broken something he didn’t know how to fix last night, and I fear his look is right. You can’t lie to someone over and over and not expect consequences. And I can’t disrespect myself so much I lie down and take it.
Last night, I lay in bed for hours replaying everything, hoping to find a sliver of regret. Something I could be the one to apologize for—something to build a ladder out of this hole.
But I don’t have regrets; I spoke my truth. I’ve been waiting on Ace’s sidelines for years. And even though I’ve always told myself we were just best friends, there’s always been a part of me that’s wanted more.
Looking back on it, I barely dated anyone in high school because of that. But Ace? He dated everyone. And I had to sit back and watch the cycle play out.
I guess it could be said that I helped create this situation by keeping my feelings to myself, but I didn’t want to push him away. Selfishly, I wanted his attention however I could get it. I know that wasn’t fair of me, but I can’t go back and change the past. I can only move forward. And no matter how badly my heart aches over the idea of Ace not being around, I simply can’t bring myself to implode my life all because Ace Kelly has decided for the moment that he wants to be with me.
His attention span is short when it comes to girls. He’s a love-’em-and-leave-’em type. And what kind of emotional state would I be in if I let myself experience being in his rotation? One month of happy bliss for years and years of heartache?
I guess either way we’ll never be the same. Not after this.
I swallow hard against a throat clogged with emotion and force myself to focus on Drew. I’m still warring with myself over telling him that I kissed Ace last night because I know it’s the moral high road, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I’m too emotionally inebriated to drive it right now.
Maybe in a few days or weeks, it’ll feel easier to navigate.
And I know that’s wrong, but I’ve spent a lot of years putting myself last, and today, I can’t do it.
“Did you have any pets before Yoko?” Drew asks, and I make a concerted effort to be present in the conversation.
“I did,” I say with a little smile as I recall childhood memories of our Great Dane Stan and our cat Walter. “It’s actually a funny story.”
“I’m all ears.”
“When my mom started dating my dad, he had a cat named Walter,” I tell him. “And Walter pretty much hated my dad, but he loved my mom. And after they got married, while they were on their honeymoon, their best friends Thatch and Cassie were in charge of watching Walter.”
“Wait…Thatch and Cassie…that’s Ace’s parents, right?”
Goodness. All of my roads really do lead back to Ace.
“Mm-hmm,” I mutter and clear my throat.
“And what happened?”
“Well, Walter escaped their apartment—it’s still unknown whose fault it was, but he ended up lost in the city, and ultimately, animal control got ahold of him and brought him to a local shelter,” I explain. “Walter, being the grumpy cat that he is, gave the staff a hell of a time. But eventually, he set his sights on this Great Dane puppy that was in a kennel there. The rest is pretty much history. Walter and Stan fell in love, and when my parents got back from their honeymoon and went to pick up Walter, they ended up coming home with a new puppy named Stan.”
Drew grins. “That story is so wild it almost sounds made-up.”
“Yeah, well, Ace’s parents were involved,” I explain and hate that my chest spasms at the mere mention of his name. “Both Stan and Walter were around for most of my early childhood. And man, Stan was protective of both me and my sister Evie. And since Walter only cared about whatever Stan cared about, he was protective of us too.”
Memories of Stan and Walter play behind my eyes like a movie, and I don’t miss the fact that nearly every damn memory I have of them includes Ace.
“What do you want to do today?” Drew asks and I shrug.
I want to curl up in the fetal position in my bed and try to wake up again in a universe where Ace and I are still on speaking terms, but I don’t think that’s on the menu.