Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 107306 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107306 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
He runs upstairs, and while he’s gone, everyone starts turning the furniture around so we can sit and watch. I scoot close to Cillian, the two of us far enough from the rest of them that we won’t be overheard.
“You sure?” I ask.
“Yes.” He nods. “He’s good to you. You’re happy.” Cillian shrugs. “I like him.”
I chuckle. A month ago, I couldn’t have imagined him saying that. “He told me he loves me.”
“Did you say it back?”
I shake my head.
“Why not?” His brows draw together.
“I’m still confused.”
“You do,” he tells me, threading his fingers through the back of my hair, pulling me close, our foreheads touching. “You do, Ror. You’re just afraid, and I get that, but it’s in there, and one day, you’ll just know it.” He seems to hesitate, then says, “I thought he would take you away from us.”
“He won’t.”
“That’s the only reason he’s still breathing.”
There’s no doubt in my mind he’s telling the truth.
Shai comes back, and Cillian kisses my forehead before taking a seat on the piano bench. They pulled up a chair beside it for Shai.
“This is big, isn’t it?” Shai asks me.
“Yes.” Cillian once told me that when he talked to Tiernan about Ollie, T told him that Ollie was ours because he’s Cillian’s and Cillian is ours. Tiernan has been showing us that he feels the same about Shai. Cil too, and this is another step in that direction for him. But even more than that, Cillian being willing to play with Shai is cementing that Cil has his own connection with Shai. Because Shai is mine, because he loves me, because I don’t think a world could exist where my and Cillian’s lives aren’t completely entangled, which means the lives of the people we claim must be as well.
“I love you.” Shai presses his lips to mine, then walks over to the chair and sits. He and Cillian talk quietly for a moment, I assume settling on something to play.
Cillian starts, a tune I can’t place drifting up from the piano. Like many things he plays, there’s a sadness to it, a deepness. It takes a few minutes for Shai to join in, eyes closed, like he’s feeling the music. He doesn’t open his eyes when his fingers begin plucking at the strings, moving along the frets. While Cillian is reading music, Shai obviously isn’t. He seems to be feeling out what Cillian is playing, matching him as best as he can but adding his own spin on the melody. It’s angsty and sad, but somehow not, like there’s a build-up from this deep, dark place and the music is climbing higher and higher. And they fit together, like the song is supposed to be played this way, one highlighting the other—my best friend and this man who has changed my world, who’s made me want things I never thought I would want, a relationship when that had never been in the cards for me. I never thought I would want someone that way, and I certainly never thought someone would want me that way, but he does.
They do this through several songs, synchronized like they’re dancing, like they’re writing music together. The couch dips beside me, Ollie nuzzling close. I wrap my arm around him, kiss the top of his head, watch Shai so lost in what he’s doing, one with the music.
“They’re beautiful,” Ollie tells me, echoing what I told Shai about him and Cillian.
“They are.”
When they finish, Cillian playing his last few notes, Shai lingers, finally opening his eyes, looking at me, watching me, as he continues creating his own music. And when I smile, he does too, my heart doing this weird…how do I even word it? Like it’s not under my control, like it’s trying to float away. Is that it? Is that what love is?
When Shai finishes his last chords, Ash and Zuri clap. Cillian rolls his eyes, but he’s pleased.
“Good job, man,” he tells Shai, then wraps an arm around him in a one-armed hug, which Shai returns.
“He’s perfect for you,” Ollie tells me, and yeah, I think he’s right.
“That was really fucking good,” Dean says. “But I’m peopled out. We’re going to bed.”
“Oh, are we?” Tiernan cocks a brow, though we all know that alone in their room with Dean is where he wants to be.
“If you want to fuck me, we are,” Dean says, then without another word, turns for the stairs.
“You know how I like to give him his way,” Tiernan teases.
“You do? I thought the two of you got off on antagonizing each other,” Cillian teases back.
“That too.” Tiernan pumps his brows in this playful way that’s rare for him, then follows Dean upstairs.
“Sometimes I wish we didn’t have to share everything in this family.” Ash turns to Zuri. “Sorry about that.”