Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 107306 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107306 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
“Everyone just go to bed,” Tiernan tells us. “We’ll figure this all out tomorrow.”
I shove my hands into my pockets, try to make eye contact with Shai, but he’s not looking at me.
“You should stay with me and Ollie tonight,” Cillian tells me.
“No. Fuck that. He’s staying with me,” Shai argues, a sharper bite to his voice than I’ve ever heard before.
Cillian’s eyes turn into narrow slits. “You might be a new pet for him, but you don’t fucking understand him. You don’t understand us—all of us. You don’t know what he needs.”
“Maybe you don’t always know what he needs either! Or hell, maybe you do. I don’t fucking know, but he’s mine too. I can give him what he needs. I’ll figure it out.”
The room is quiet, everyone likely surprised at the way he’s challenging Cillian…for me.
Shai breaks the silence, his voice softer this time. “Maybe after all the shit we went through tonight, I need him as well.”
My head snaps up, and Cillian’s does the same. We’re both staring at Shai, my heart beating so loudly, I think it might burst through my chest. My head spins, or maybe it’s the room. I’m lightheaded and feel… What the fuck is it I feel?
Shai needs me? Because I fucked him up so bad tonight? But then, that doesn’t make sense, does it? None of it does, not really, but hell, maybe that doesn’t matter. What matters is he said I’m his and that he needs me.
I turn my head slightly, my gaze on Cillian. As if feeling it, he looks my way, hand clasped tightly with Ollie’s… At no time in my life would I ever say no to this, wouldn’t want to be with him, or him and Ollie, because he’s accepted me since the first time he set eyes on me. He’s been my anchor ever since the moment Rian walked me into his house and I didn’t want to run away from him. He was kind to me, took me under his wing right from the start. Cillian’s caretaking nature with Ollie started with me. “I’m going to my room with Shai,” I tell him, and like earlier today when we were shopping for panties, I see when another piece fits into place for Cillian, a part of a puzzle I still can’t see.
He nods slowly. “Okay…” And then after a pause, “That’s good.”
Is it?
I nod toward the stairs, Shai and I going up together. It’s not until we’re in my room, with the door closed, that he says, “I’m sorry.”
“What the fuck are you sorry for?” I try to pull my hoodie off and wince.
“Let me help you.”
His words are kind, and I shouldn’t be frustrated by them, but now that I’m coming out of it, they rub me wrong. “I’m not a fucking kid. I can take care of myself.”
“Stop being an asshole, Cherry.”
I cock a brow at him.
“Would you let me if I were Cillian?”
I roll my eyes. “You don’t have any reason to be jealous of him. It’s not…not like…” Like what? Saying that what’s between Cil and me isn’t like what’s between me and Shai feels like admitting something I can’t figure out how to say, something I’m still trying to acknowledge. “This. It’s not like this with him.”
“I’m not jealous. I’m glad you have him. I was just making a point.”
A sigh slips past my lips. The truth is, I would let Cillian help, but more because that’s how we’ve always been. It’s not easy to allow myself to trust someone new. Something about Shai makes me want to, though. “You can help, but first tell me why you’re sorry.”
“Because it’s my fault you were there. Because they knew I was the weaker link, and that’s why he came for me, and if I’d been paying better attention, you wouldn’t have had to try and help me, and you wouldn’t be hurt right now.”
“And they wouldn’t be dead either?”
“I don’t give a fuck about that—about them. I didn’t want shit to come down on you. That’s the only fucking reason I said not to kill them. I didn’t want you to have to do that for me.”
My eyes squint, forehead wrinkling up as I try to figure him out, to put more of those puzzle pieces together so I understand what’s going on. All that was about me? Was Shai’s worry for me?
“None of what happened tonight was your fault, Shai. I nearly drowned a man in front of you. I was…gone. I get in my head like that sometimes. Like I can’t get out of it, and I lose control.” And the thing is, I don’t even regret it. Not really. This is the life we lead. I’ve never had a problem with it until tonight.
“But I found you,” he says, stepping closer. “You let me find you, and I reeled you back in.”