Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 100086 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100086 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 500(@200wpm)___ 400(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
So I’m just a means to an end. “You wouldn’t be. You’d just… date and shit.” My hands ball into fists because the very idea of him with another guy is pissing me off.
Corvus laughs and leans forward, resting his face between his hands. “You think it’s so easy in my line of work? That just any guy who’s actually nice to be around would be fine with my basement?” he asks, glaring at me from between his fingers. “I thought we were on the same page about this!”
He does have a point. I too had to keep parts of my life secret from men I dated over the years, because as soon as they got a sniff of the violence they were out. Because they were normal, nice people. The few that were a little too into it weren’t good matches for me either and saw me as a killing machine who also happened to fuck well.
Maybe that is what I am though?
I take a deep breath and cross the distance between us, then drop to the step he’s sitting on. His words spin in my head as I try to find a loophole that lets me get close again while keeping a shred of dignity. I probably just want him too much, but that’s a classic move for me.
He did suggest I’m nice to be around though, so that has to count for something?
Time to be brave.
“I don’t think we are on the same page. I like you. A lot. I’ve got feelings for you. I want to be more than just your roommate with benefits.”
Corvus stills, then faces me with a surprised gasp, as if he wasn’t gorgeous, intelligent, and charming. Of course I’m falling for him. For the longest moment, silence is heavy between us, and I flinch when the light by the door dies, sinking us in darkness. “That’s… I’m flattered,” he says in a breathy voice. “But why? I would marry you anyway. You’d have security, prestige—”
“I don’t know why! I just do. I can’t help how I feel.”
“Kemper told me you go through guys like they’re protein bars, so why develop feelings for me?”
I groan at the mention of the fucker’s name. “Jesus fucking Christ! The fuck does he know about my love life? He’s exactly what I don’t want to be. A guy in a marriage of convenience.”
“And what do you know about his love life? Does he have a mistress, or something?” Corvus asks, massaging his scalp with fingers I wish to kiss. They’re so long and elegant. He smells of tobacco, and cloves, and I want to bury my face in his hair to sate my addiction to him.
“I know because he hit on me, and I doubt they’re just open, because he boasted that she was out of town so we could go to his villa. It’s fucked up. I avoid married guys like the plague.”
“I… well, you might not believe me, but I didn’t plan for our marriage to be like that,” Corvus says softly, and I sense the ghost of his body heat on the side of my thigh. “It was meant to be honest. That’s why I… I did not conduct myself well at the tailor’s shop.”
I shrug. “The tailor didn’t deserve it, but I did. I’m a jealous fuck too. One of the many reasons I get dumped over and over again. Guys like what they see at first, but quickly work out I’m not the full package in one way or another. By then, I’m usually into them, like I can’t actually control myself. I wish I didn’t give a shit. Sure, sometimes it’s just about sex, I’m only a man, and my drive is high, but I’m not all cool and collected like you. I get into it fast and hard. Pun unintended.”
He’s quiet, and every passing second feels like the invisible rope around my neck’s tightening. He’s got enough shit to deal with. Why would he waste his precious time on a fuckup like me? I’m about to rise when he places his hand on my knee.
“I don’t understand. Why would anyone not want you?”
To his credit, Corvus sounds puzzled. It’s kinda cute.
I chuckle even though there’s nothing funny about it. It’s like being asked ‘why are you still single?’ and expected to list all your flaws. “Not taking into account all the skeletons in my closet, let’s face it, I’m a mess. I struggle sorting out my taxes. I forget shit, my money situation’s… not great. As you know, by the way. I literally burned down your kitchen on day one. I also, as you can see,” I wave my hand around in frustration, and get flustered when the motion-activated light turns on and suddenly we see each other again. “I fall too fast and scare guys off. I’m a fun dick to ride, not boyfriend material.”