Total pages in book: 126
Estimated words: 121734 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 609(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121734 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 609(@200wpm)___ 487(@250wpm)___ 406(@300wpm)
I was so tired of being alone.
But that’s how it’s always going to be, because that’s always how it’s been, a voice whispered in the back of my mind. I bent my head, tearing my gaze away from the mirror. I didn’t want to look at her. I didn’t want to see the destruction I had allowed to reign over me throughout my life.
I’d left the house when I was eighteen, and my brothers were still affecting me. Still.
Enough.
It was enough.
Maybe there was something wrong with me, but what if there wasn’t? What if I just sought out people who were going to leave me in the end because that’s what I believed would happen?
The door opened, and a girl teetered inside on her heels. “Whoopsie daisies!” She laughed as she almost fell backwards. “That door moved a lot easier than I thought it was going to. Either that or I gotta work on my tolerance for those pink martinis.” She laughed again, coming to stand next to me and fluffing her hair. “You okay, darling?” She touched my arm.
It was the softness in her voice, and I crumbled. “No.”
“Oh, darling.” Her voice dropped. “You want a hug?”
I shook my head, forcing a smile. “No. I’m good. But thank you.”
“Okay. Well, I’m here if you need me.” She indicated the bathroom stall before laughing to herself. “I mean, not here here. But here in the bar. I’ll be at the bar. Look for my big poof hair. You just walk over and give me a nod, and I’ll be hugging you before you know it. Got it?”
“Got it.” The knot lessened in my throat. “And thanks.”
She gave me another smile as I left and returned to my booth. Almost as soon as I sat down, Peter brought over my martini. “I didn’t want you to worry about an unattended drink, so I waited until you came back,” he explained. “Here you go.”
“Thank you.”
“Anytime. I’ll grab you another water.”
He moved away, and that’s when Mal Benoit slipped into the seat across from me.
59
RAIN
“Mal.” My lungs were on the verge of collapse. “What are you doing here?”
“I have a cousin, but she’s like a sister. We raised her in our family. There were reasons she couldn’t live with her own parents.” He gazed back at me, stoic, resigned. His hands folded on the table, and he glanced down before he continued. “Not many know about her.” His gaze grew distant.
The original female server I’d had, chose this moment to remember I was her customer, but Mal waved her off as she approached. He only had eyes for me, very business-like and somber eyes. There was a reason he was here, telling me this.
“There are five years between us. Miriam’s quiet. She’s always been quiet. I think she grew up that way because she had to. We have money. That’s obvious, but we didn’t grow up with nannies or housekeepers. No staff. Just family. And maybe it’s because of that, I don’t know. Our parents were busy. They weren’t—it’s not that they didn’t love Miriam or they loved her less for any reason. She was family. They just…took her for granted. How sweet she was. How kind. She was empathetic and sensitive, and she enjoyed reading books in her room. Of course there were times she didn’t want to do the dishes or didn’t want to take the trash out, because we had chores. Both of us, though later she got the brunt of them because I was in college and our parents were both working. Miriam was in high school by then. They said she could take care of herself.” His voice grew thick, and he had to stop, getting himself under control for a moment.
My insides began to boil.
“She called me from time to time. She wanted to know how I was. She wanted to know what was going on in my life. When I asked how she was, she generally didn’t say anything. I thought that was weird, but I just chalked it up to her being private. She didn’t want to share. I wasn’t going to take it personally. Then one day she called, and we went through the usual conversation. I was going into a meeting, so I rushed her along. I remember thinking, Why is she calling me now? It’s the middle of the day. I told her how my day was, and when I asked about her, this time she got quiet. I thought for a split second I heard her crying, but then she said, ‘Oh, you know. Sometimes I miss everyone.’ Then she laughed it off, said everything was fine, and we ended the call.”
His eyes shone with tears as he continued, hoarsely, “I was glad when she ended the call because the meeting was important. We had to turn our phones off. It was that important. When it ended, my assistant was in the hallway. She was crying. She saw me, and she broke down all over again. When I turned my phone on, it beeped with a text from my sister, and I was confused. That was it. I was just confused. I wasn’t concerned. I didn’t think to question why Miriam, who always tried to call when it was convenient for me, had called in the middle of the day this time. I never thought about any of that, and I didn’t click to read her text. I was wrapped up in how well the meeting had gone, and I was worried about what was going on with my assistant. And I was irritated that Miriam was interrupting me.”