Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 82077 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 410(@200wpm)___ 328(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82077 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 410(@200wpm)___ 328(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
She dissolved into a sea of tears, clutching at him, and the reaction, from someone who had been, since the event, stoic, was a welcome relief. The nurse and several others, even the doctor who arrived, were thrilled to see her crying, letting out all the fear that she’d been holding in. They, like me, wanted to see a reaction that was considered normal. And everyone had their own way of responding to trauma, but seeing my daughter cry all over her father was apparently quite comforting for me, Kola, Jake, and everyone else.
Of course I knew the reason. The rest of us asked for trust, for the walls to come down and let us in. There was the give-and-take of reciprocal feelings. If I wanted you to have faith in me, I would show myself deserving of such. That wasn’t how it worked with Sam. Never had. Even a million years ago when we first got together, even when he screwed up, he had no patience for building trust. He demanded it. It had taken me time to make my peace with how he was, because in the beginning, I didn’t have trust in him or anyone beyond my brother, Dane. But my kids had grown up with Sam and the way he did things, and so when Hannah was lost inside her own head, reliving the nightmare she’d just escaped, and most importantly, wanting to appear strong in the face of everything and for everyone around her, it was only her father who could reach her. Just seeing him tore away the armor she had in place, and she gave herself over completely to his care.
She always wanted her brother to see her as a superhero, and of course, for Jake, it was even more important. I had a tender heart like hers, and she knew that, so she was careful to try and always keep a stiff upper lip for me so I didn’t worry. I told her often that it didn’t work like that. I would fret whether she wanted me to or not. Still, she downplayed things for me, and unless something had really thrown her, didn’t dissolve in front of me or drown me in her tears. Sam was her rock. He was for all of us. She let him see her vulnerabilities because he was there to cling to, not to fix things. I was the one she did that with. She and I figured out how to either build the bridge or burn it down. That wasn’t Sam’s piece. His was to be the shelter from whatever storm any of us found ourselves in.
When Jake stood up, unable to remain strong himself, Sam had an arm for him. After all, Hannah hadn’t been the only one in the fire. I was thinking that the kids, who were no longer seeing their psychiatrist, Kurt Butler, might need to book some couch time with the good doctor. I texted him even as I watched Sam comfort his kid and her ex-boyfriend now friend again.
I made certain I spoke to the hospital staff, because Sam was not in a place to be civil. It was different when he was in marshal mode. If one of his people was hurt, as much as he liked them and worried, he could still be professional and have conversations with others about their care. Not so when it was his family. There was too much growling. Most hospital staff understood it for what it was, complete and utter fear, but there was always the odd person—perhaps having a bad day themselves—who responded poorly to the chief deputy. It was up to me to keep that from happening.
Once Hannah cried herself into hiccups, Sam had her blow her nose a million times, and the doctor came and checked in with me on both Hannah and Jake, we were ready to go. We were only there for a couple of hours, which was phenomenal. At home, Kola got the baked spaghetti back in the oven, and I started on the salad and garlic bread as Hannah and Jake both went upstairs to shower. Sam darted upstairs to change, taking a garbage bag with him to wrap Hannah’s arm so she wouldn’t get it wet. After a bit, Kola and I heard him yell.
I ran to the base of the stairs and was about to yell up when there was swearing.
“You think that’s funny, you little shit?”
Suddenly, at the top of the stairs, was Chilly. He was licking one of his paws, and when he saw me, I swear, there was a look of pure evil.
“What did you do to your daddy?”
Slowly, he took the steps down to me, stopped next to my legs, rubbed on them, and then continued over to the couch.