Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 78466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 78466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 392(@200wpm)___ 314(@250wpm)___ 262(@300wpm)
I was smiling as I pulled my phone from my back pocket.
That’s it, everyone. Have a great rest of October and a safe Halloween.
NOVEMBER 2019
Hello. Welcome to He Said, he said November. I will now turn things over to—
Hannah: You can’t just do that. You have to explain why Pa—why Jory Harcourt is not here. Come on, Dad, just a little more information.
Sam: …
Kola: Glowering won’t help. Believe me when I say that glowering at your daughter will do absolutely nothing. I have years of practice, and it won’t work.
Hannah: He’s right. He’s been doing it for years, and nothing comes of it.
Kola: Ever. She doesn’t give a crap.
Sam: I—
Kola: Really. I promise.
Hannah: Just explain where Pa is.
Sam: He has unfortunately become indisposed due to a scheduling conflict.
Hannah: Oh, just say.
Sam: It’s not nice and makes him sound like he’s nuts.
Kola: He is nuts.
Sam: …
Kola: Don’t get all—I mean in a good way.
Sam: How is someone nuts in a good way?
Kola: Like Pa. He’s nuts in a good way.
Sam: Ridiculous.
Kola: Just do it.
Sam: Fine. This year, my mother has asked my husband to help her cook Thanksgiving dinner for the Kage clan. We’re having it here, at our house, and he’s a bit stressed out about the menu and the state of our home, and he might possibly be having a meltdown.
Hannah: Might possibly? Please, Dad, he’s a lunatic at the moment.
Kola: Don’t wince, Dad, he is. He bought a pumpkin pie outfit for the cat and a turkey outfit for the dog. He’s gone completely bonkers.
Sam: Just—get on with it.
Hannah: I have no idea why you’re staying here to supervise. We’ve done this before.
Sam: Start already, will you?
Hannah: Fine. Hello, all! Welcome to the November 2019 edition of He Said, he said!!!! Today we—
Kola: Stop with the exclamation marks. Nobody likes those or all the dumb emojis.
Hannah: People without souls.
Kola: Uh-huh.
Hannah: You’re a buzzkill.
Kola: I’d rather be a buzzkill than annoying.
Hannah: Too late!
Kola: Just—go.
Hannah: Okay, sometimes we get a mixed bag of questions, so we’re doing different ones this time that aren’t all focused on love or relationships.
Kola: Thank God.
Hannah: Shhhhh.
DEAR JORY:
Just like Venice, Italy, Chicago is sinking. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, Chicago is getting two millimeters lower every year. This is due to the glacial melt. Will you remain in Chicago, or will you take your family and move?
Hannah: Well, I think that—wait. Two millimeters every year is what?
Kola: Like, four to eight inches every century.
Hannah: Huh.
Kola: That person is right. Venice is sinking that much too.
Hannah: Yeah, but are we sweating four to eight inches every century?
Kola: Eventually, yeah.
Hannah: Okay, so maybe put together a plan?
Kola: Why are you looking at me?
Hannah: Why is that happening?
Kola: Hold on.
Sam: Are you two taking a break?
Hannah: We’re looking something up. And are you making sandwiches for everyone?
Sam: Yes. I wasn’t raised in a barn.
Kola: It says that it’s due to a glacial melt that happened around 10,000 years ago and led to some areas rising after the weight of the ice was removed. But now that the ground is settling again—it’s sinking.
Hannah: Well, there’s a lot of history here in Chicago, so I think we need to figure this out.
Kola: Venice isn’t exactly a cultural wasteland, you know.
Hannah: I know. We need to save them both.
Kola: How do you plan to do that?
Hannah: I’ll talk to Uncle Aaron and see who he’s got on this.
Kola: Maybe you should go to school and take care of it.
Hannah: I’m sure NASA is figuring it out, or other scientists. I mean, you can’t have a part of Illinois sinking into the core of the earth.
Kola: I don’t see anyone all over the plastic in the ocean except for nonprofit groups.
Hannah: True.
Kola: And what about all the unwanted pets?
Hannah: Again true.
Kola: What about California? One big earthquake and it’s gone.
Hannah: You don’t think that there’s a plan to save Hollywood? Or San Francisco, Los Angeles or Laguna Beach? Are you on glue?
Kola: You just named places you’ve been, except for Laguna Beach, and you only said that one because you like saying the word.
Hannah: Laguna is a cool word.
Kola: Ugh.
Hannah: Laguna.
Kola: Anyway.
Hannah: I see what you’re saying, though. We need to all be on top of the sinking, the oceans, and the dogs and cats.
Kola: Yes. So, is that the answer?
Hannah: Yes. Everyone get involved and write your congressman.
Kola: Okay, good.
Hannah: Look at us solving stuff.
Kola: It’s not solved until there’s action.
Hannah: Agreed.
Kola: Next.
DEAR JORY:
Recently I read that watching TV in bed is a bad thing to do for your sleep. The only things that should happen in bed are sleep and sex. Do you agree?
Hannah: Uh, Dad?
Sam: Yes.
Kola: Yes? That’s it.
Sam: Yes.
Kola: Care to elaborate?
Sam: Well, think about it. You want to condition your mind to see the bed as a place to rest.