Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
“I feel like I just woke up from a nap,” I tell Matteo as we settle by the front of the church, leaning against the wall. “I’m a little out of it.”
“Yeah, it was strange,” Matteo says curtly. He stares off, his gaze lost toward the cemetery.
I take his arm. “Hey, man, are you okay?”
After everything that happened, that seems like a dumbass thing to ask, but really, I’m mostly concerned about what he experienced after touching Cody, and then how Cody reacted.
He searches around like he’s willing to look everywhere but at me. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Tears stir in his eyes. And he must know I see them because he tries to turn away again.
“Matteo, please.”
“You saw the way Cody looked at me.”
There it is. I was right. Fuck.
“Matteo, something else was going on. He wasn’t looking at you.”
“He saw my face, and he was fucking terrified. He just didn’t want to admit it. You said yourself he has visions. What if he saw me do something terrible, but he didn’t want to share it with us?”
That did cross my mind—how could it not? But I plead with him, “He didn’t say what he saw. It could have been anything. Not necessarily you doing something.”
“I’ve seen that look before, Alexei. I saw it on her face, and it’s the same. I keep trying to tell myself that maybe he saw something bad happen to me, but I know that look, it’s burned into my fucking soul.”
“But it doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
“It does, though.”
“What?”
He hesitates, like he’s trying to stop himself from saying more, but then he says, “I’m not who I pretend to be. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve thought about my biological father. The things I want to do to him for what he did to her, for all the pain he’s caused to so many others. The pain his actions have caused me. I’ve thought of terrible, monstrous ways to make him pay for what he did.” A tear pushes free, streaming down his cheek. “There’s something evil in me, Alexei. And it wants to tear him the fuck apart.”
I move closer and hook my arm around his waist. “That’s human, Matteo. You’d probably be a monster too if you didn’t hate what he did to her.”
“You wouldn’t think that if you knew the vile thoughts I’ve had.”
He’s still refusing to look me in the eyes. And I can’t stand it.
“Look at me, Matteo. Please. Just look at me.”
He struggles before finally turning, his gaze locking on mine.
“I wish I could show you what I see when I look at you. How beautiful you are. I see someone kind, who was willing to put aside his own shit and his well-being to try and help a guy he barely knew because he thought he was in a cult. And you could have let me go off and find some random stranger to do that spell with, but you were more concerned about my safety than your own body or how fucking weird that shit was. I see a guy who’s still putting himself at risk for a cause he barely understands because he cares about people. Those aren’t the actions of a bad guy.”
“I wish I could see what you see,” he says as another tear falls.
I raise my free hand to his face, wipe the tear from his cheek, and he leans into my touch before taking my hand and kissing my palm. It’s a soft, gentle kiss, the kind he might place on my mouth. He relaxes into it before moving swiftly, taking my mouth, his tongue sliding in effortlessly. He pushes me up against the wall, one hand gliding under the hem of my shirt, running up my abdomen. My body’s alive with sensation, my cock pulsing in my pants. His lips only part from mine so he can kiss down to my neck, and I roll my head back, thread my fingers through his hair.
“It’s not just that shit that makes me know I’m a monster,” he whispers into my flesh before tugging at it with his teeth. “When I think about anything happening to you, anyone hurting you, it’s hot, searing rage. When I thought the Saints were brainwashing you, I wanted to fucking end them. And every day I get to know you more, I just know that I would do terrible things to keep you safe.”
I’ve felt so alone ever since I lost Nick, but this past year, isolated with my secrets and lies, has been the worst. It’s nice knowing someone has my back now.
No. It’s nice knowing Matteo has my back.
His hot breath slams against my skin, leaving me reeling, before he nuzzles against me. “I keep wondering what you’re doing to me, Alexei, and then I’m just like, fuck it, I don’t even care as long as you let me touch you like this.”