Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 121310 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121310 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
"Yes, it did." His voice is flat now, emotionless. "You and Anna both---" He sucks in a breath, disgust crossing his face as his arms lift to his head in a gesture of helplessness. "You're fucking toxic. You're everything I've been running from me whole fecking life!"
He turns away and sweeps all the dishes off the table with enough force that they hit the wall, shattering in a cacophony of breaking ceramic and glass. The sound is violent, chaotic, a perfect external manifestation of what's happening inside us both.
I don't jump back.
I just give him an icy glare, drawing my armor back around me piece by piece. This is what I wanted, isn't it? To push him away? To make him hate me? To keep him safe?
Fuck my moment of fucking weakness, then.
"Fine," I say, turning on my heel and stalking to the bedroom to pack a bag. My eyes are dry, wires disconnected again now that I'm back to being my normal self. Somewhere, I know there's pain again. Pain like always. Pain that I even intended.
I pushed him here on purpose.
The further he is away from me, the safer he is.
After all, if I left on good terms, he'd try to follow. Well, at least I know how to advise Moira to break up with her Bane.
Broken hearts are better anyway. That's how the stories are supposed to go.
I've read the real versions of the fairytales, and they don't have happy endings. They have women with chopped-off feet and lonely, dead little mermaids doomed to wait a hundred years begging to enter heaven.
I pack furiously, throwing clothes into a bag with no regard for order or care. Tears burn behind my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I survived the unimaginable. I can survive this, too. I can survive losing him. Again.
I storm out, only to find Domhnall standing just where I left him, shirt still open and untucked, hair disheveled, looking like a man at the end of his rope. His arms are still over his head, but I see his tortured face, the conflict playing out across his beautiful features.
Oh Donny. You always deserved so much better than this broken doll.
I head toward the front door, putting one foot in front of the other, each step taking me further from the only person who's ever made me feel real.
Only to hear his footsteps chasing after me. Right as I try to open the door, his hand is there slamming it closed, the force of it making the door frame rattle.
"Wait. No. Stop." He shakes his head, tears at the edges of his eyes, voice cracking on the words. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."
I look up at him, amazed as always at the one thing I've ever been able to feel through the cloud of numbness when it comes to him.
Love. The only thing---a feeling is what I guess they call it, the only one I've ever been able to identify apart from pain---that swells in my chest when I look at him and he looks at me. It expands beneath my ribs, a pressure so intense it's a wonder my skin can contain it.
"You did mean it, love." I lift a hand toward his face but pull it away before I make contact, the gap between us a chasm that can't be crossed. "And you're right. We are toxic."
If I touch him, I might give in and try to fuck away our problems again even though it only puts off the inevitable. It's just a momentary spell we can both fall under. When the heaving and sweating and slapping bodies stop, cold reality creeps back in.
The one where I keep hurting Donny, lying to him, and putting his life at risk by my very proximity.
"Maybe we just need another break from each other," I say to ease the blow as I pull my hand back, hovering in the space between us.
But the look he flashes tells me he can hear that I don't mean it. That this is a final goodbye, not a temporary separation. That this time, I won't be coming back.
"Mads. You're the love of my life," he whispers, the words so sincere they cut me to the bone.
I smile sadly, then open the door, slipping from beneath his arm. "Maybe it's time to get a new life."
Then I slip out the door, surprised to find wetness on my cheeks as I pull my phone from my pocket to call an Uber.
Huh.
I didn't know I could cry.
I don't let myself look back as I step into the car that comes minutes later. I focus straight ahead, eyes on the road, mind already turning to what comes next. Finding Moira. Convincing her to break up with her mysterious Bane. And keeping my promise to Pavel and saving Donny's life.