Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 121310 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121310 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 607(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
“Mads especially feels connected to him,” Anna continues. “And I’m starting to recall more memories too, of when we were together as kids.”
“Do those memories scare you?” Dr. Ezra asks.
Anna considers this, absently swaying slightly as Connor starts to fuss again. “Sometimes. But I’m trying to be less afraid of everything. Mads is helping with that.”
“How so?”
“She reminds me that being scared doesn’t mean being weak,” Anna says. “And that I can survive being scared. I’ve done it before.”
I reach over to take Connor when he gets a little more fussy, settling him against my chest where he immediately calms. “She’s the strongest person I know,” I say fiercely. “Both of them are.”
“Even when I’m falling apart?” Anna asks, and there’s something vulnerable in her voice.
“Especially then,” I say, meeting her eyes. “Because you fall apart and then you put yourself back together, every time. That’s not weakness, love. That’s fucking heroic.”
“Language,” Anna murmurs again, but she’s smiling through tears she’s trying not to shed.
We’ve been trying to talk more like this even when it’s just the two of us, but Dr. Ezra always prods at things that bring out our deepest feelings and fears. I always feel ten times closer to her after our sessions, like there are finally no more secrets between us. It’s difficult for me to use words like this. I’ve been far more used to expressing my excess emotional energy—not that I knew that was what I was doing at the time—through physical exertion, by working out hard and fucking even harder. This is all… new still.
Dr. Ezra makes another note. “Domhnall, how do you cope when Anna is struggling? What’s different now from how you used to handle stress?”
The question makes me shift slightly in my chair. This is still hard territory for me. “I talk about it more,” I admit reluctantly. “Usually to Anna, but sometimes to Marcus or Caleb. I don’t just... shut down and go dark like I used to.”
“That must be difficult for you.”
“Still prefer a good workout to a heart-to-heart,” I say with a rueful grin. “But Anna needs me to use my words, so I’m learning.”
Anna reaches over to squeeze my hand. “He’s getting better at it. And I’m getting better at not needing him to be perfect all the time.”
“Neither of us is perfect,” I say. “But we’re perfect for each other.”
“Even with all the complications?” Dr. Ezra asks.
I look at Anna—my wife, my partner, the mother of my child, the love of my life in all her complex, beautiful, sometimes impossible manifestations—and I don’t hesitate.
“Especially with all the complications,” I say. “Perfect would be boring.”
“Can’t have that,” Anna laughs, the sound bright and free, and Connor makes a small sound of contentment against my chest. In this moment, surrounded by the two people who mean everything to me, sitting in this room where we’ve worked so hard to heal and grow and become worthy of each other, I feel something I never thought I’d experience.
Peace.
Not the absence of struggle or pain or difficulty, but the deep, bone-deep certainty that whatever comes next, we’ll face it together. All of us.
As a family.
“Any final thoughts before we wrap up for the day?” Dr. Ezra asks.
Anna and I look at each other, one of those wordless communications that happen between people who’ve learned to truly see one another.
“We got married,” Anna says suddenly, a slight blush coloring her cheeks.
Dr. Ezra raises an eyebrow. “Congratulations. When?”
“Two weeks ago,” I say, unable to keep the grin off my face. “Justice of the peace. Nothing fancy.”
“Why keep it simple?” Dr. Ezra asks.
Anna’s hand finds mine again. “Honestly? I was afraid of anything else getting in the way. You know, that whole waiting for the other shoe to drop thing. I just... I wanted to be his wife while I still could.”
The admission cuts through me. “Anna...”
“I know it sounds crazy,” she says quickly. “But I’ve been so happy, and I wasn’t sure I was allowed to be this happy.”
“You’re allowed,” I say fiercely, bringing her hand to my lips. “You’re allowed to be happy, love. We both are.”
She smiles, tears finally spilling over. “I’m starting to believe that.”
Connor shifts against my chest, and I look down at his perfect, peaceful face. “We’ve got time,” I say, as much to myself as to Anna and Dr. Ezra. “For the first time in our lives, we’re not running from anything or toward anything. We’re just... here.”
“And that’s enough?” Dr. Ezra asks.
I look at my wife, my son, this life we’ve built from the ashes of everything that tried to destroy us.
“More than enough,” I say. “It’s everything.”