Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 90795 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90795 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
“Jesus, baby. You are. You’re worthy of that and more, but…do you think you’re any less of a real family here?”
“I don’t. That’s the confusing part. Not everyone lives in a house with a picket fence. It’s hard to explain. When I was a kid, I would look at people like that and think their lives must be perfect. I know that’s not true, but that’s what books told me, and TV shows. And I guess I’m afraid to trust this can last, that it will work. Like if I move them there, change our lives in that way, then suddenly the universe will be like, Nope. You don’t get this. You don’t get to be happy. And I’ll lose it all. If I don’t change anything, if I don’t believe it’s real, it’ll hurt less when it’s gone.”
Hell, I told Sadie I’d take her to a therapist; maybe I should consider one for myself.
“Look at me,” he says, and when I don’t listen, he swats my ass. “I told you to look at me.”
I immediately sink into the role that feels so fucking comfortable to me. “Yes, Sir.” I pull away, unbury myself from his arm so I can face him.
“That’s not how this works. I know it’s scary. I know you’ve lost a lot, but you can’t keep yourself from ever changing things, from moving forward, because you’re afraid that gives you more to lose. Certainly not when we’re talking about a house.”
It’s strange how I can know he’s right yet struggle with it. “I’m trying.”
He pulls me to him, and though I shouldn’t, I straddle his lap, facing him. “That’s because you’re my good boy.” He cups my cheek. “Why don’t you start by looking into what it would mean for the kids and school first. Is it the same district?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t want them to have to change schools.” Not after everything they’ve already been through.
“Okay. Would that be their base school? Would you have to get a transfer? How easy is it to get a transfer? If you can get one, that means you probably have to be the one to take them back and forth to school, if you’re not zoned properly for the bus, so we’d have to figure that out too. Once we have all those answers, it’ll be easier to make that decision.”
“We?” I heard everything he said, but it’s impossible not to focus on that word.
“Yes. We. Unless you plan on breaking up with me. I’m in this, James. I’m in it with you for as long as you’ll have me.”
Forever. I want to have you forever.
“Want to know what I did for myself this week?”
He frowns, probably at the change of topic, but nods.
“This…right here. Will you stay for a while and just hold me?”
He pulls me close, and I know he’s smiling into my hair. “I’d stay all night if I could.”
I nod, stand, and take his hand. He can’t stay all night, but we can have a little while. We can lie in my bed with our arms around each other and pretend he doesn’t have to go.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Colton
“Well, this is a nice surprise,” Mom says when she opens the door and sees me there. “I feel like I don’t see you as much anymore. School must really be kicking your butt.”
I kiss her cheek and slip into the house. “Yeah, I’m busier with that, but it’s not the only thing.”
After Nash’s game last week and spending half the night in James’s room with him before sneaking out, I realized it’s time to tell my mom about him. There’s no getting around how I feel about him, everything I want from him, and she deserves to know. Plus, my birthday is coming up, and I want us all to be together, even if we still have to hide who we are to each other around the kids.
“Something good or something bad?” she asks, the worry in her voice clear.
“Something good.” I shrug. “Something great, actually.”
We sit in the living room, Mom across from me on the couch, facing each other. “You’re in love,” she says.
My eyes widen. “How do you know? Did Kota tell you? I’m gonna kick his ass.”
“Dakota knows?” She crosses her arms and pretends to pout.
“Not that I’m in love, but that I met someone. He really didn’t tell you?”
Mom shakes her head. “No, but I’m a mom. We just know these things. Who are they?”
Fuck, she’s so incredible. I love that she uses they and doesn’t make assumptions about the gender of the person I’m with.
“His name is James. He’s…sweet. Bighearted but doesn’t see it. A little awkward around people. The kind of guy who doesn’t realize how great he is, ya know? He’s smart, a hard worker, would do anything for his family. He makes me feel good in this way I didn’t know I needed. Like there was something missing in my life and I didn’t know what it was until I found him.”