Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 73012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73012 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 365(@200wpm)___ 292(@250wpm)___ 243(@300wpm)
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Anthony
“How are things going with you and your hockey guy?” Chelsea asks. “That man is fine.”
“Oh my God. I know, right? Unbelievably hot.” And he’s mine, mine, mine. I’m getting more used to thinking that, and honestly, it’s fucking incredible. “Being in love with the right guy is ten out of ten. I highly recommend.”
“I know. It’s the best,” she replies in this quiet, wistful voice.
“Shit. I’m sorry. That was really insensitive of me. I wasn’t thinking.”
Chelsea waves off my apology. “No, no. I didn’t take it that way. I know what you meant. You’re just happy, Anthony. And it’s good to see.” She reaches over and squeezes my hand.
“Thank you. It’s good to feel.” I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far, that doesn’t seem to be happening.
Makayla comes running out of the bathroom. We’d just finished her dance lesson, so we say our goodbyes. Justin comes in next, then afterward, I change and head over to meet Hayes and Donovan for a late lunch at this cute little spot in West Hollywood. They do drag brunch on the weekends and have evening shows. Like many spots in WeHo, it’s unapologetically queer, and I love every second of it.
I spot them in a booth, so I tell the hostess I see my party. I slide into the seat beside Donovan. “Sorry I’m late. Justin needed a little extra help, and I didn’t want to bail on him.”
“Who’s Justin?” Hayes asks.
“Oh, sorry. He’s one of the kids I teach private dance lessons to.”
They both stare at me as if I’ve grown a second head.
“Have I never mentioned that before?”
Donovan shakes his head, and Hayes says, “Nope. I would remember that.”
I wince. Why wouldn’t I have told them that? I can’t think of a good reason—not even a bad one. Hell, I hadn’t even realized I did it, which is a bit of a mindfuck. How much of myself have I been holding back from people? I’m really good at pretending, at being the life of the party, at being loud and claiming to be proud of who I am, but really, I’ve been hiding so much of myself, and for what? What have I actually gotten out of it? None of it protected my heart, because Malcolm still found a way to manipulate and hurt me. All it had done was keep the wrong people at arm’s length, or kept me bound by these ridiculous rules I’d put on myself that haven’t done anything to protect me.
“I haven’t been a very good friend.”
Donovan frowns. “What are you talking about? You’re the best kind of friend.”
And he’s got one of the biggest hearts of anyone I’ve ever known.
When Donovan reaches over and takes my hand, I thread our fingers together, holding tight, and I just…start talking. I tell them about my childhood, my mom, my uncle, about Aliyah and dance and then losing her when she moved away. How my uncle paid me to get lost as soon as I turned eighteen.
I tell them how much dance has always meant to me, about the lessons I teach, the times I’ve felt useless or thrown away. Even about Malcolm telling me I was his least favorite, which is how I learn he said that to Hayes too. The only moments I stop talking are when the waiter approaches and we give our order. I talk between bites of food, spilling my guts to my best friends, right there in the middle of a safe, queer space in the city I’ve fallen in love with.
“Wait…so you’re telling us you own Lush?” Hayes asks.
“I do.”
“I don’t get it. Why that’s a secret.”
“It shouldn’t be,” I admit. “And hell, I don’t even know if I get it either. I think it started because I wanted friends, wanted people to like me, not because they had to because I’m the boss or own the club, but for me. I wanted a place where I could just be me, and I didn’t know if I could do that as Anthony, the owner of the club. I just…”
“Wanted to be a part of something and wanted to know that the people you let in, the people you were getting close to, weren’t there for any reason other than they care about you,” Donovan fills in for me.
“That. Exactly.”
Hayes reaches across the table and grabs my other hand. “I’m sorry you felt that way. Emotions are confusing and don’t always tell us the truth. They’re good at making us believe things that aren’t real and ignoring things that are.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. Of course, if anyone would get it, it would be them—well, them and Kason.
“Thank you for getting it, and for being here for me. I’ve never really felt a part of something until I met you.”