Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 75650 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75650 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 378(@200wpm)___ 303(@250wpm)___ 252(@300wpm)
My mother reaches up and taps my cheek. “You are alive and you are whole, my son. If you lose those memories, make new ones with her. You are both young. Do not let this pull you apart.”
“She does not want me.”
“She will give you another chance,” my mother says, self-assured. “But you must try harder.”
“Try harder?” How can I give more than I already am? “When she looks at me, she sees a stranger. Just as I see when I look at her. She wants back a mate that I am not sure I can ever be again.” I shake my head. “You think I do not want to be her mate? She is everything I have ever wanted. Her and my son both.”
“Then you must fight for them.” My mother puts her hands on my shoulders and looks me in the eye. “Stay-see is hurt and feels she has lost the love you shared. You must prove to her that it yet exists. That it does not matter if you have lost your memories. That you are still the same Pashov here.” She points at my heart.
My mother’s words sting me. Am I not fighting for my mate? Do I not do everything she asks? Have I not shown her that I care? How is that not enough? It stings, even when she gives my shoulder another sympathetic touch and then moves back to the fire.
And I am left with nothing but questions and worry.
I must stay busy. Above all else, I must think of my mate and the small kit that is mine as well. I must think of their comfort. I move to the sled and begin to repack it. I will leave the tent for last so my mate can continue to sleep, but some of the gear must be rearranged so Stay-see is comfortable. I tug on one leather knot—too hard—and it snaps, sending me flying backward into the snow. I bite back a curse of frustration.
“You seem troubled.” Rokan appears at my side and offers me a hand up. “Is all well?”
Is everyone seeking me out today? I grip his arm and haul back to my feet. My mood is foul, and I wait for him to begin to lecture me, but the look on his face is contrite. I sigh and dust the snow off my leggings as I stand. “I am not paying attention. This weather concerns me. Stay-see struggles with the cold.”
“All the humans do,” he agrees, a distant look in his eyes. No doubt he is thinking of his mate, the one that talks only with her hands. He focuses on me after a moment and smiles. “The weather should hold up for the next moon, though. This is just bad luck. After this storm, all will be quiet for several more hands of days, until the next full turn of the moon.” He claps my back. “Plenty of time to settle in to our new home.”
I grunt acknowledgment of his words. I think about our new home, like the other hunters do, but I am more focused on my mate and her well-being. I cannot relax while she is struggling so. “It is good to hear the weather will hold out.” If today is the last day of storms and snow for a time, I will take it. There are so many other things to worry about…like the way Stay-see and I are fracturing like an old bone.
Or were we ever strong and whole? I have no memories of it, but surely we were happy. Surely I cherished her. My mind has not changed; I am just missing parts of my memory. I cannot help but feel panic as she grows more and more distant, though. Being around the others, in this journey? It is just making it worse. There is not much privacy, and she is exhausted. If only we had time alone together, to talk in private and learn to understand one another again—
I pause, thinking. The wind howls, and Rokan gestures at his own distant sled. “My mate will be up soon and wanting to eat before we travel. I will speak with you again soon, friend.” He raises a friendly hand. “Good day to you.”
I repeat the words back to him and focus on my sled, but I am not thinking about it. I am thinking about the weather and how it will hold for several more hands of days. Weeks, as the humans say. I am thinking of a hunter cave tucked into a nearby valley, a brisk walk from here. It is big enough to house a small family for several days, and there is a cache nearby that could feed us for several more days, even if the weather was too poor for hunting.