Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 102708 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 342(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102708 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 514(@200wpm)___ 411(@250wpm)___ 342(@300wpm)
“You too?”
“Sometimes,” I mused. “Mostly when I was younger.”
“You had a good time at your birthday party, though, right? You were dancing with her. It seemed like—”
“Kitty, I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“How about the truth?”
“I don’t know the truth.” I tossed a shoulder, shaking my head. “I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel other than I’m supposed to feel something.”
“Do you miss her? Are you sad? I think those questions are a good place to start.”
“Why does it matter?” I countered. “She’s already dead.”
“I think it would help you heal.”
“Heal?” I chuckled. “You can’t heal wounds that won’t ever stop bleeding, Isla.”
She winced, not trying to hide her sympathy for me.
“Don’t do that, Kitty. I don’t like it.”
She stressed, “It’s okay to hate and love her, Kraven. You can do both, you know?”
“Yeah?” I contrived. “Well, part of me wonders how I can miss someone I never really knew, and then the other part of me remembers the moments she was magnetic for me too.”
She reached for my hands, holding them on the table as she insisted, “Your mother did love you. I know it’s hard to understand, but her love for you was always there. It didn’t go away when she did. If anything, I think it grew.”
“That’s what makes everything so fucked up. She loved us, but that love was never enough for her to stay.”
She squeezed my hands. “All I know is she kept up with you guys.”
Surprised, I asked, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, she knew everything. She was caught up on the last seven years of your lives, so either she was around, or someone was telling her.”
I scoffed out a chuckle, shaking my head again in disbelief. “That just makes everything worse.”
“Kraven, I didn’t tell you to make you feel worse.”
“Anything with my mom ends up being worse, Isla. How have you not figured that out yet?”
“Hey.” She sadly smiled. “You called her Mom.”
I glanced down at our hands, deciding to bury our conversation. Moving on, I went back to her initial question. “You’re welcome to stay at the house for as long as you want.”
We locked eyes.
“You mean that?”
“Of course I do.”
“And what if Julius is gone for a whi—”
With no restraint, I blurted, “Is that an invitation?”
The hostess set our plates on the table, breaking the moment, and we pulled away.
“Here you go, you two. Enjoy.”
Isla thanked her and abruptly stood, revealing, “I’m going to go wash my hands.”
I couldn’t get a good read on her before I watched her leave, wondering what she was thinking about what I called out.
Did I take it too far? Did I push her away? Scare her?
I didn’t have answers.
All I had were questions…
And I was beginning to feel as if it was all I ever had.
CHAPTER
FORTY-EIGHT
ISLA
I walked into the bathroom, my mind spinning with the increasing pressure in my chest. Everything was unraveling, thread by thread. I couldn’t breathe, and it only got worse as I tried to slowly inhale and exhale.
Am I having a panic attack?
I didn’t have a chance to contemplate the thought, stopping dead in my tracks as soon as I stepped into the restroom. I was immediately slapped in the face with the familiar stench of booze, weed, cigarettes, and a shitty-ass perfume that lingered in the air.
My blood instantly ran cold while the hair on my arms stood at attention. It was like I was seeing a ghost, yet nothing was in front of me. Her smell was enough to make me want to vomit.
Mrs. Bates…
I gasped but then slapped my hands over my mouth, not wanting to make a sound.
“Goddammit!” she roared, making me back away slowly. “I forgot my cigarettes!”
When she flushed the toilet, I didn’t hesitate to run for my life. With one foot in front of the other, I got the hell out of there.
Once Kraven saw me, he shouted, “Isl—”
“Shhhhh!” I begged with my hands on my mouth, unable to stop my feet from moving.
“What’s going o—”
I didn’t stop.
I hauled ass out of that restaurant, seeking safety. Like a lion after his prey, Kraven chased me. Hunting me down, he was ready to destroy anyone who got in his path. His loud footsteps echoed behind me, yet I still didn’t stop for a second.
She couldn’t get me.
I wouldn’t let her.
Never again.
No. Matter. What.
“Isla!”
“No!” I yelled, sprinting down the uneven street as if my life depended on it, and it did.
“Isla, you’re going to hurt yourself!”
“No!”
“Christ, slow the fuck down!”
“No!”
“For fuck’s sake, just talk to me!”
“I can’t!”
And he was right. I ate shit, falling face-first onto the jagged road.
“Fuck!” he called out, darting to get to me. Sliding on his knees, he ignored the sting on his torn skin, pleading, “Kitty, Kitty, Kitty,” as he carefully sat me up.
The blood on my hands and knees only reminded me of that day.