Total pages in book: 169
Estimated words: 161535 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 808(@200wpm)___ 646(@250wpm)___ 538(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 161535 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 808(@200wpm)___ 646(@250wpm)___ 538(@300wpm)
He clutches my hand to his cheek, tormented. “This is agony, Elsie. I could save you from this if I was fully restored to my godhood. I’d have that power. But I’m trapped here…and the only way to return to my full status is if you’re gone.”
I want to be selfish. To demand that he spend every last moment with me, at my side. It could take months for me to slowly decline, suffering the entire time. I don’t want that.
Not if I’m supposed to die either way.
It’s better for everyone if he’s restored to his godhood, because then he can start making changes, just like we’d talked about. He can be better to those that worship him. He can help instead of destroy. Disease doesn’t have to be all destruction, like Lachesis said. It can be rebirth, too. A clearing away of the old to usher in the new.
I need to stop clinging to life because I’m scared of what happens next. I shouldn’t be frightened. Meeting Lachesis proved to me that there are gods of all kinds. That we go on after we die.
I won’t be with Kalos, but I can’t have everything. Knowing that I’ve saved my brother and got to spend this time with Kalos, falling in love, helping him succeed…it has to be enough. “Can we make it fast? My death? I don’t want to linger in pain.”
Kalos makes a ragged sound and buries his face in my lap. “Do you want me to do it?”
“What’s the least painful way? Poison? Drowning?” I’m trying to remain calm. I test my nose, and it’s no longer bleeding, so I can finally lower the soaked handkerchief I’ve kept there. “I’ve never died before. I need pointers.”
“Poison,” he says, voice muffled in my lap. His arms tighten around my waist. “There are herbs that will make you feel nothing. Herbs that will make you euphoric. We can mix some of those with herbs that stop the heart.”
“I’d like a cocktail of all of the above, please,” I joke, and fight back tears. “I want to see Dingle and Omos again first, though. Is that all right?”
He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles, his eyes full of sorrow. “My heart, ask for anything, and I will grant it. Ask me to destroy the world in your name, and I will. Ask me to raze cities in your honor. Ask me anything.”
“I don’t want any of that. I want a quiet day. I want to tell Omos thank you for everything he’s done for us. I want to talk to him about the book and what to do with it. I want to hug Dingle and spend an afternoon in the sunlight in your arms and not think about anything other than being happy.” I stroke his hair, caressing his face, memorizing his sharp features. He’s so beautiful, his eyes full of pain.
I wish I could be at his side when he returns to his job. He needs someone that’s with him, and it seems like the other gods here treat him badly. He needs allies…but I can’t be that. I was sent here for a specific job, and fate is reminding me that I don’t get to ask for more. That’s not how this works.
“I want that perfect day…” I tell him again. “And then I want that cup of poison. I don’t want to let this go on for weeks, or months. If I think about it for too long, I’m going to be scared and sad, and I don’t want to be either. I want to go out having the best day ever.”
“We’ll do that.” He lifts his head, and his eyes are suspiciously wet. Can gods cry? I have no idea, but his sadness makes me ache. “We’ll do everything you want. And when you leave this plane, don’t be scared. You’ll travel to my brother Rhagos’s realm, and you’ll wait for me there. He has a place—the Field of the Forgotten—where those devoted to the gods wait for their god to retrieve them. I’ll be there the moment I return to my place in the aether, and I’ll come get you.”
I manage a small, worried smile. Now’s the perfect time to tell him the truth, but the agony on his face is destroying me from inside. I just need to say the words. That’s not going to work. I made a deal to go home. You’ll be all alone again.
I can’t. I can’t break him further.
All I can hope is that when he re-ascends, whatever he feels for me will be muted, a distant memory. I want him to forget me, because it’ll hurt him less that way. “Whatever happens, I’m okay with,” I manage to choke out. “I just want you back on your throne, ruling your plane again.”