Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 63911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 320(@200wpm)___ 256(@250wpm)___ 213(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 320(@200wpm)___ 256(@250wpm)___ 213(@300wpm)
She loved him.
She loved Jaak.
She would love him forever, but how could she chain him to her, knowing that she was no longer what he wanted?
Jaak de Konigh wanted a woman who was strong, a woman who would not need him.
And she was no longer either of those.
CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR came and went, the holidays allowing Ilse to continue burying her head under the sand. With Ilse’s friends from Glory Hall and an army of de Konigh relatives visiting frequently, there was no chance for them to talk, and that was how she liked it.
When the doctor suggested that she undergo a series of tests, Ilse had quickly agreed. She knew she was delaying the inevitable, but she didn’t care. The cowardly, secret part of her was willing to do almost anything to stay hospitalized forever.
At least here, she didn’t need to leave. At least here, she could pretend she was receiving treatment that would eventually make her see. At least here, she could pretend everything was still okay between her and the billionaire.
It was almost mid-January when she was finally discharged, and despite Ilse’s insistence that she could manage on her own, the billionaire had still showed up to accompany her on the ride home.
“We can leave anytime we’re ready.”
“I’m definitely ready.”
The words rolled past their lips with ease, and she hated every one of them. It sounded so damn fake, and hadn’t she been the one to promise herself that she would never lie or pretend again?
Ilse sensed the billionaire starting to move, and she managed to keep her smile in place even as she strained her ears for his footsteps.
Where are you? Make noise. Let me know you’re still here.
When fingers suddenly reached for her hand, she couldn’t help jerking, and it was like life laughing at her face, telling herself that no matter how she wished otherwise, she had already become what she most feared.
She was weak...and there was nothing she could do about it.
“I’m sorry.” The billionaire swiftly withdrew his fingers as he spoke. “I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
His grim tone made Ilse want to curse herself, and she said in a rush, “You don’t have to be sorry, and you didn’t frighten me. I’m just not used to...”
Being blind.
But she caught herself in time. “Anyway...” She forced a laugh. “I just need to be more sensitive or something.”
Silence.
“I’m going to reach for you now...”
She nodded.
So relax, Ilse. Relax. Please relax so he wouldn’t think you need him any more than you already do.
A moment later, and she felt his touch, fingers once again twining with hers. Another moment, and he was pulling her carefully to her feet. “Shall we go?”
“Okay.”
As he led her out, the painful realization that it might always be like this between them struck her—-
Would they never be able to walk beside each other?
She managed to keep herself from stumbling, managed to keep the fake smile on her lips as she sensed the billionaire’s gaze on hers.
I’m okay, she told herself.
I’m okay. She told herself this repeatedly even as terror closed her throat and breathing once again became a quiet, desperate struggle.
“We’re getting out now.”
“We’re getting inside the car.”
“We’re getting out.”
Ilse knew the billionaire was doing his best, but even so, every word just made it harder and harder for her to breathe. He was acting like he already knew she needed him, and she didn’t know what to do.
As the silence between them continued to ripple with painful tension, she strove to fill it, asking with determined cheer, “Where’s Jan?”
“Just a few steps away. He’s waiting for you by the front door.”
A faint flowery fragrance reached her as they continued to take baby steps towards the house, and Ilse tried to familiarize herself with the scent, knowing that it was coming from their own garden. Scent was a sign of life, and she needed all of these signs to remember that she was alive even when her world felt dead.
“We’re here.” She stilled, and the billionaire’s hands settled on her shoulders as he turned her slightly to the left.
“Welcome back, Ilse!”
Jan’s familiar voice was another sign of life, and her lips curved in a genuine smile. “Jan. I missed you, Jan.” She raised her hand to reach for his face, and he started to laugh when she almost ended up shoving her fingers up his nostrils.
Her smile widened even as she pinched his chubby cheeks. “Stop laughing.”
Jan began to talk, and she breathed a sigh of relief even as she hated herself for wanting the lies and pretenses to continue.
When they made it to the living room, with Ilse seating herself on the couch while Jan paused for breath, the billionaire murmured, “Will you be okay if I leave you with Jan for a moment?”
No. We both know I’m not okay. We both know we’re not okay.