Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 63911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 320(@200wpm)___ 256(@250wpm)___ 213(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 320(@200wpm)___ 256(@250wpm)___ 213(@300wpm)
She turned to him, big brown eyes questioning, and he could feel his hands getting clammy. It was happening again, Issac thought numbly.
He was drowning in her eyes—-
“Mr. Bakker?” Ilse blinked in visible bemusement, breaking the spell, and Issac cleared his throat.
“Issac,” he said when he finally recovered his voice. “It’s weird if you call me Mr. Bakker. Makes me feel like I’m my dad.”
Her lips curved, and she said obediently, “Issac it is then—-” Humor twinkled in her eyes. “But only because the tour’s ended and I’m no longer your guide.”
Silence fell between them, and Issac’s mind became blank, all the words he had mentally rehearsed disappearing.
“Are you okay, Issac?”
Ah. The familiar words struck him with a pang, and Issac thought, She had always asked him that.
He saw the genuine concern in her eyes, and he realized it was more than that.
And he remembered.
And he regretted.
She had always asked, and she had always meant it.
Unlike him.
“When we were sixteen,” Issac heard himself say, “there was something I couldn’t make myself say to you. I was young and stupid at that time, and I told myself I couldn’t say just anything to you because it wasn’t the right time. Because I couldn’t find the right word—-” Issac swallowed hard. “I took it as a sign that I should wait.”
When Ilse’s eyes become veiled, Issac already knew that nothing would come out of what he was about to do. But even so, he also knew he had to do it.
“I know it’s too late,” Ilse said tightly. “I know it’s my fault, but I also know I have to say this—-” He choked off, and for one moment he was filled with bitterness—-
God, he had been such a fucking wimp.
“It’s okay, Issac—-”
It hurt to hear Ilse speaking to him so gently, even when he didn’t deserve it, and he shook his head jerkily. “I have to say this, and you need to hear this.”
She started to speak, but he didn’t let her. “I need to say this.” He had to get the words out now, before he lost his courage all over again.
“Issac, you don’t—-”
“You were my first love, Ilse Muir.”
For one moment, there was just heart-wrenching silence.
For one damn moment, he almost considered letting himself hope.
For one damn moment...until he heard her whisper in a stricken tone, “Why are you telling me this now?”
And he knew he had to accept that he really was too late, and there would never be a next time.
“I still remember how I felt when I first saw you, you know.”
“Oh, Issac.” Ilse shook her head helplessly, not knowing what to say. This was an Issac that she didn’t seem to know at all. “We were five—-”
“Five is old enough to know the difference between love and hate, and—-” His lips twisted in a self-mocking smile. “Let’s just say I didn’t hate you, and everyone knew it. Everyone probably thought we would end up together.”
And once upon a time, Ilse thought painfully, she had thought the same.
As Issac stared at Ilse, memories came rushing in, forcing him to remember just how callous he had been.
She had to have been frightened out of her wits that day she had called him—-
His whole life he had loved her, had wanted to be there for her—-
And yet he had failed her when she needed him the most.
He had given her all the promises in the world, but he had failed her. It had given her every right to scream at him, to get mad, but even in the end—-
Even as her world crumbled around her, Ilse had still found it in her heart to worry about him, had still tried her best to ease his guilt—-
Her gently spoken words drifted into his mind, and each word hurt.
You have no need to explain.
The words tormented him, and he choked out, “I’m sorry.” He stared at her desperately, willing her to believe in him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when I should have been. You were the only girl I loved. The only girl I have ever loved—-”
He watched her lips part at his words. “Issac.”
“I’ve never stopped thinking about you, and Natalia – somehow she knew.” He swallowed hard. “She probably set this whole thing up, thinking that I’d lose interest in you the moment I saw you, but—-” A grim expression settled on Issac’s face. “I’m no longer the idiot I was four years back.”
He gazed at Ilse, his beautiful, kind Ilse, and his heart ached so damn bad that it was barely able to keep beating.
“You probably don’t need to hear this,” Issac said unevenly, “but I’m damn proud of what you’ve become.”
Ilse’s lips started to tremble.
“You’re a good sister to Jan, and if your parents could talk to you now, I k-know...I know they’d tell you the same thing. That you did them proud—-”