Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 90951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Hear a heart break…
I feel for Dean, I really do, but mistakes are part of being human. Everyone fucks up. Everyone has regrets. But like every difficult thing, mistakes offer an invitation to grow. To become kinder, more compassionate. To have mercy on yourself and others because…
Well, because we aren’t perfect. We’re just people, every one of us flawed in our own way. I understand that now, even more than I did before Beatrice showed me how much even a relatively “enlightened” person still has to learn.
I understand many things, but understanding doesn’t make dealing with loss any easier. I know the pain will pass when it’s done with me, but until then…
Until then, I have a CT scan appointment and close to a week off.
Most people would be thrilled, but I love my job, and this team is the closest thing I have to family, a fact they prove by swarming into medical as Wayne is wheeling me out to the car.
Parker and Nix come with me to the hospital, giving me a play-by-play of everything I missed, and Charlotte is waiting with pints of ice cream when the driver drops us off at my place. Makena swings into the driveway minutes later, with a giant bag full of homemade food.
We eat crammed around my tiny table in the kitchen, Makena giving me shit about my poorly outfitted cooking situation, and Nix joking that it doesn’t matter when all a man eats is steamed vegetables and rice. I insist that I eat other things, too, like grilled chicken and tofu, and they laugh.
It still hurts a little to laugh, so I just smile, and it’s good.
I’m a lucky man, but I can’t help wishing one more person was here…
Though if Beatrice were at the table, we’d have a lot of explaining to do. Nix obviously still has no idea that his sister is pregnant. I don’t know how long Beatrice intends to keep that under wraps, but until she’s ready to spill the beans, I have to keep my mouth shut.
That isn’t my news to share.
But the secret is starting to feel like a lie, a gremlin squatting in the middle of my life, waiting for the worst possible moment to pounce.
Chapter Seven
BEATRICE
As soon as I move onto the jetway, I’m enveloped in thick, sticky heat.
It’s like stepping into a dog’s mouth.
Early October shouldn’t be this miserable, but apparently New Orleans is ignoring autumn until the very last minute.
It was like this last year, too, but the swelter feels more oppressive than it did before. Maybe I’ve been in Scotland too long. Or maybe it’s suffering the heat for two that has me fanning myself with my passport by the time I reach the terminal.
I instantly feel more pregnant than I did in a cooler climate, my swollen ankles twinging and sweat rolling down my spine.
Bean doesn’t seem to be enjoying her first taste of the Louisiana heat much, either. She fusses inside me, flopping around on my bladder until I’m afraid I won’t make it through immigration without wetting myself. I do, but just barely, and by the time I leave the stuffy bathroom, my hair is a frizzy mess.
The airport air-conditioning is clearly not up to the task today.
I swipe a hand across my forehead as I head for baggage claim, cursing the long-sleeved linen dress that seemed like a logical choice in Glasgow. I was fine on the plane, but now the fabric clings to my skin like a damp towel.
A gross, funky-smelling towel…
I can’t wait for a shower and a change of clothes. I’ve only been traveling for about fifteen hours, but it feels like a lifetime. Like I’ve been bouncing through time zones and emotional states for days, not since midnight in Scotland.
But at least I know Blue is okay. The Wi-Fi on the plane was good enough to get an update just as we crossed over Canadian waters. According to the news reports, he has a mild concussion and is benched for the weekend, which I’m guessing means he won’t be at the away game Baylor is leaving for this morning.
Which is perfect!
I’ll be able to talk to Archer without worrying about managing my brother at the same time. Then, I can surprise Charlotte and Bay with the baby news together early next week, once he’s home from the travel game.
I couldn’t have asked for better timing.
So why is my heart pounding like I’m about to bungee jump off a skyscraper?
Oh, I don’t know. Probably because you’ve been hiding your pregnancy for so long that everyone is going to think you’re weird. REALLY weird. And probably mean and selfish. And possibly unstable.
Shit.
I pause near a pillar, bracing my hand on the cool concrete, forcing myself to focus on the next step, not all the big, scary conversations that have to happen in the next few days.