Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 42745 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 214(@200wpm)___ 171(@250wpm)___ 142(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 42745 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 214(@200wpm)___ 171(@250wpm)___ 142(@300wpm)
“I know,” he says softly. “I just mean… come sit with me.”
My heart starts beating harder.
“Okay.”
We go inside, and I set my purse on the entry table. Penn locks the door behind us, then turns toward the living room. “Can we sit?”
I nod, but my stomach does a flip-flop. I kept telling myself he needed to tell me, but now I’m not sure I’m ready.
I walk into the living room and sit on the edge of the couch. My hands twist together in my lap, and I force myself to stop. I don’t want to look nervous and make this harder for him.
But I know once he says it, everything is going to change.
Penn doesn’t sit. He stands in front of me, then starts pacing.
I watch him take three steps one way, then turn and take three steps back.
“Penn.”
He stops, but he doesn’t look at me. “I need to tell you something.”
“I know.”
His eyes flick to mine.
I swallow. “I mean, I figured.”
He drags a hand over his jaw. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to say it.”
“Then come sit beside me and say it.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t know if I can sit.”
“You can.” I hold my hand out to him. “If you have something to tell me, I want you next to me when you say it. Not pacing like you’re about to deliver bad news to a patient.”
His forehead creases, but he walks toward me. When he takes my hand, his fingers are cold. He sits beside me, close enough that our knees touch, but he keeps his eyes on our joined hands.
For a second, neither of us says anything, then he takes a breath. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you about this, but when I was younger, I had an accident.”
I squeeze his hand. “What kind of accident?”
He looks toward the fireplace instead of at me. “I was sixteen. Playing baseball with my brothers and some friends. It was stupid. Just a normal game. Nothing serious.”
His thumb moves over my hand, but I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it.
“I got hit with a ball,” he says.
I wait.
He swallows hard. “No one thought much of it at the time. I mean, it hurt like hell, but I was sixteen. I was embarrassed more than anything. I didn’t want everyone making a big deal out of it.”
My chest aches. I already know where this is going, but hearing him say it makes it worse.
“Penn,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “I didn’t know that it would alter my whole future.”
His voice gets rough, and I tighten my hold on his hand.
“It wasn’t until a year and a half ago that I found out.” He finally looks at me, and the look on his face steals the breath from my lungs. “The accident likely caused damage. Enough that…”
He stops talking and shakes his head.
I just hold his hand and wait for him to trust me.
His jaw tightens. “Enough that I’m infertile.”
The word hangs between us.
I had read it. I had stared at it on those papers until all the words blurred, but it’s different to hear him actually say it. There’s shame in his face, and I know what he’s thinking. He thinks this makes him less of a man and worthless in my eyes.
I blink hard but keep my voice steady. “Okay.”
He stares at me, and I see the surprise move across his face. “Okay?” he asks.
I nod slowly. “Okay.”
His brows pull together. “Aria—”
I shrug. “What?”
“You’re not…” He stops and looks away, like he doesn’t know what word he’s looking for. “You’re not reacting.”
“I am reacting.”
“No, you’re not.” His voice sharpens, but I can hear the fear underneath it. “You’re sitting there like I just told you we’re out of coffee.”
I let out a shaky breath. “I’m trying not to make this harder for you.”
His face crumples for half a second before he gets it under control. “Harder for me?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Aria, this isn’t about me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” My voice breaks a little. “You’re the one who got those results and carried this alone. You’re the one who decided you were broken before you ever gave me the chance to tell you that you weren’t.”
He goes still.
I press my lips together because I’m getting ahead of myself, and I know he isn’t done.
He looks down at our hands again. “I know how much you want a baby.”
Tears sting my eyes.
His voice is thick and rough. “I know you want to be pregnant. I know you want all of it. And I want it too. I want it so damn much.”
I nod, holding his hand tighter. “I know.”
He looks at me like that hurts.
“I do,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “There are options. If you want to be pregnant, we can find a donor. We can look into IVF. We can talk to specialists. If that’s not what you want, we can adopt. We can foster. We can do anything you want.”