Total pages in book: 139
Estimated words: 133655 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 668(@200wpm)___ 535(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 133655 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 668(@200wpm)___ 535(@250wpm)___ 446(@300wpm)
The worst part? I noticed.
I noticed all of it.
I stir my coffee for too long. The spoon clinks the sides of the mug in a repetitive rhythm I don’t even notice until Scottie shoots me a look.
“You okay?”
“Me?” I blink, and when I realize her eyes are on me, I quickly nod. “Oh yeah. I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Mm-hmm.”
Kayla’s too busy face-diving into her pancakes to notice, but Scottie doesn’t look away. She lowers her voice. “So…how are things with Drew?”
I bite the inside of my cheek as I realize that I haven’t thought of Drew once since we sat down. And the worst part is, I have to force myself to scroll through my brain to find the file labeled boyfriend.
“They’re…fine.”
Scottie raises her eyebrows.
“They’re good,” I add and force a smile to my lips. “Great. Things are great.”
Scottie gives me a look but lets it go.
I pick at the corner of my napkin and try not to think about how I haven’t heard Ace’s voice in three weeks. Or how it feels like the loudest silence of my entire life.
Kayla’s phone buzzes, and she groans. “Ugh, study group. I gotta go.”
She hugs Scottie goodbye and waves at me. “Text me later!”
Scottie and I are left in a quiet lull. She takes a long sip from her coffee, eyes never leaving mine, and I just sit there, wishing I could be more conversational. Wishing I could be more present and not lost in my own freaking head.
“Girl, I know you’re not okay,” she says softly.
I stiffen. “I’m fine.”
“You know you don’t have to lie to me, right?”
I shake my head. “I’m not lying.”
“Julia, from the moment I met you last year, you and Ace were a package deal. And now, all of a sudden, you don’t sit by each other in class. You don’t go to parties together. You’re strangers.”
I open my mouth to deflect again, but something in me cracks. And instead, I whisper, “We’re not okay.”
“Damn.” Her mouth turns down at the corners, but her eyes are unsurprised. “I figured. And also…Finn might have told me some things.”
I swallow against the lump rising in my throat.
Scottie doesn’t push. She sits there with me in the silence, letting it stretch out between us.
“I don’t know what to say,” I finally admit. “I don’t even know what happened.”
Scottie frowns, and I redirect my lie toward the path labeled reality.
“Okay, that’s not true. I do know what happened, but I don’t know how to deal with it. The fight between us…it’s a long time coming and brutal in the most unshakable form. I want to forgive and forget. My body longs for it. But I know I shouldn’t.” I shake my head. Without context, I must sound baffling. “Anyway, I know that’s vague, but I don’t think I can talk about it right now. Not without losing it.”
“Just know…” Scottie reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. “When you’re ready to hash out the details, I’m here.”
“Thanks, Scottie.” I try to lift my lips into a smile but fail miserably. “It might not seem like I appreciate that, but I do.”
“Oh, what?” she teases. “You think your current state of resting bitch face isn’t showcasing your true emotions?”
A small laugh bubbles up from my lungs. “I don’t know why my face does that. It’s either giving friendly or I-might-want-to-kill-you.”
Scottie grins. “Don’t worry, I know and love the true woman behind the RBF. She’s one of the sweetest, kindest, supportive, most loyal friends there is.”
Her words are meant as a compliment, as reassurance, but they might as well be sharpened nails that slice my chest right open. I don’t feel like I’m any of those things right now. Not to Drew. Not to Ace.
My mind races over the current facts of my situation. And it feels pretty dang dismal when I start stacking everything up. Drew is my boyfriend, but I’m not exactly all in to the relationship. We’ve kissed, but that’s about it. And that’s really freaking weird because we’re not in middle school. We’re in college. We’re in college, and I’m basically abstinent…from my boyfriend. And not loyal at all because even though Ace initiated the kiss in my apartment, I very much kissed him back.
Ace told me he was in love with me. And I can imagine from his POV, he feels like I rejected him. Which doesn’t feel like anything remotely sweet or kind or supportive.
What if I was too hard on him?
“Hey, so,” Scottie says, dragging me out of my own head. “I have some news.”
I clear my throat and sit up straighter. “Yeah?”
“It’s about my surgery,” she updates. “After all the testing, Dr. Raines thinks I’m a great candidate, and I’ve decided I’m going to do it. In November. It’s scheduled for the Monday before Thanksgiving.”
“Oh my God, Scottie.” There’s shit in my life that very much feels like a dumpster fire, but nothing, and I mean nothing, can compare to what my girl Scottie has been through. Right now, her stuff is way more important than my stuff. “That’s incredible. And a really big deal. Huge, huge deal. Are you…excited? Nervous? I can’t even imagine the emotions you have to be going through.”