Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Oh God. Is this going to be a thing? Are they going to gang up on me now with all this positivity? “That was weird,” I say.
“We’re serious,” Hunter argues.
“You literally just met. I changed my mind. Go home, Isla.” I pretend to nudge her toward the door, but she laughs and playfully fights me off.
“We love you,” she says, jump-starting my heart. Hunter never said he loves me, and he doesn’t say it now, but as I stand here with my best friend and the man I’ve always wanted, I can make myself believe he does.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Hunter
I spend most of the afternoon and evening thinking about what Isla said. Did Lucas really have feelings for me before everything changed that night we met up on the roof? He basically admitted he had when he made that offhand comment about his crush. That’s a lot to think about, a lot for him to have lived with. Have I ever inadvertently hurt Lucas? I’m sure I have. I’m sure Ellis had too, even if unintentionally.
Isla is great. I love watching her and Lucas together. I’ve never seen him completely let down his walls with anyone the way he does with Isla. No reservations, no worries about showing all of himself, no keeping emotions locked up. I didn’t realize it before today, but he does even with me. He kept how he felt about me a secret, and all I want is to break down every single one of his walls. I want intimate knowledge of every part of him he’s able to share, want to let him in on every part of me.
The conversation flows well. I feel Isla watching me when Lucas is near—the way I touch him and look at him—probably to make sure I appreciate him, that I’m worthy of him, and I can only hope I pass her test. But the truth is, I can’t help but observe them together too—the affection they show one another, how she runs her fingers through his hair and calls him babe, and the way Lucas soaks it all up.
I know they’ve slept together, and I’m not typically jealous—Ellis and I were not like that, and that was the only relationship I’ve ever been in—but a part of me is jealous of them. Of the years she’s had with Lucas, despite how long I’ve known him. That she holds more of his secrets, some of them about me, and that they can love each other and be so close, regardless of their other relationships. At the same time, I’m glad he has her because I don’t know if Lucas has let himself have anyone. I’m thankful she’s been there all these years when I haven’t been.
They’re sitting by each other on the couch, telling me a story about Lucas swooping in to save her on a bad date and pretending to be her boyfriend. We laugh, and they talk over each other, telling each other that’s not how the story went, that the other got the details wrong. Isla rolls her eyes at him, and Lucas pretends to cover her face with his hand, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Lucky he was there,” I say.
“She’s done the same for me,” Lucas says, then pushes to his feet. “I’ll be right back. The beer is running through me.”
He heads upstairs instead of using the bathroom down here, leaving Isla and me alone. She picks up her wineglass and takes a sip, then sets it on the coffee table again.
“Please don’t hurt him. I know there’s nothing Lucas can’t handle, but I don’t want him to have to. He’s spent most of his life wanting you, hating himself for wanting you, certain he would never have you. And he deserves you, even though he doesn’t think he does. Even though he finds too many ways to hate himself. He deserves every fucking bit of happiness he can find, and anyone who doesn’t see that, who doesn’t understand that, isn’t worthy of him.”
Her words hit every note they’re supposed to, but they’re not anything I don’t know or that I don’t agree with. Lucas is so much more than I ever saw, than I was allowed to see, and I want nothing more than to see it all. “He deserves everything. I wish it wasn’t all so fucked up. That the history between us didn’t make everything so complicated. But I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Then don’t.”
“I won’t.” I run my finger along the rim of my water glass. “I love him too. And it’s so hard not to hate myself for the same things he does.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Neither of you. Ellis is gone, and that’s awful, and we all wish he were still alive, but no amount of hurting yourself or denying yourself will change that. Also, their father is an asshole.”