Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
My heart is beating so hard, I struggle to hear him over the thudding in my ears. This is about me. Hunter King is hurting for me. “It’s not your fault. None of it is. You were a fucking kid.”
“You were too, and you were strong enough to stand up to him.”
“I don’t look at it as being strong. I just don’t know how to be anything other than who I am. And I purposely enraged him, wanted to embarrass him. I stole his car and wrecked it at sixteen, I sneaked out and caused trouble, all because I wanted to hurt him. I’m not innocent. Maybe I’m more like him than either of us wants to admit.” Because once someone hurts me, I’m awful to them. I want to make them feel what I do, and when I’m done with someone, that’s it, which is exactly who my father is.
“You’re nothing like him, baby.”
The endearment echoes through my ears, plays loudly on repeat as if my brain is trying to etch it into memory.
“You’re giving me too much credit, and all your sticking up for me would have done is for him to turn his back on you and take away the opportunities that being close to him afforded you. It wouldn’t have changed things for me, and if he finds out what we’re doing, that’s what will happen. He’ll see this as a betrayal to Ellis, and even more importantly, from his point of view, it will be a betrayal to him.”
We’re both silent, nothing but the sound of breathing on the line. It’s important he understands it, though. I don’t want to be something else that hurts Hunter. He lost his father, then gained mine, and fell in love…then lost his boyfriend. I don’t want him to lose my dad as well.
“You know you don’t want to be on my dad’s bad side, Hunt.” My hands shake as I light a cigarette. I haven’t been smoking nearly as much. I’ve been trying to slow down or quit, but I need one right now.
“You’re smoking.”
“Yeah. You haven’t given me shit about it much lately.” I can’t remember the last time he did.
“Of course I’d rather you quit for your health, but you don’t need me to tell you something you already know, and…I want you to know I don’t want to change you. Too many people have tried to do that, and I don’t want to be one of them.”
I can’t speak. Can’t breathe. A tear slips from the corner of my eye. My heart races, feels like the damn thing is growing. I love you…I’m so fucking in love with you, I wish I could say. I wish we could have that, that there wasn’t all this shit between us. I just want to be with Hunter. I’ve always wanted to be with Hunter, but Ellis had him first.
I can’t make words come out, afraid if I speak, I’ll say too much, tell him how I feel, and that will be the beginning of the end.
When it’s clear I’m not going to respond, Hunter continues, “And I don’t want to stop being with you either. I know there are consequences, but I don’t want to stop. You make me feel better than I have in a long time…too long. I don’t want to lose you.”
I wipe my eyes again. What the fuck is with this crying? I don’t remember the last time I cried, which is fucked up when you think about it. This is what I’ve always wanted, but I don’t know that I can believe it’s real. Something will go wrong—with my father, with professional sports, with the fucking world, and somehow, I’ll ruin everything he’s fought for. “Hunt…”
“I know what I want, Lucas—I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m here.” What else is there? As long as Hunter wants me, this is exactly where I’ll be. “Look up,” I tell him, lifting my arm. “Can you see the stars?”
“Yes.”
“I’m writing in them for you.” I move my fingers.
“Like that night on the roof.” He’s quiet, emotional. “What does it say?”
“I’m here,” I tell him again. “And beat motherfucking Kansas City tomorrow night.”
Hunter chuckles. “I will.”
*
I’m glued to the television the whole game. Isla comes over to watch with me, laughing and teasing me about how obsessed I am, like any good friend would.
Hunter plays his best game of the season. All the sports commentators can talk about is the Comeback King. Not considering how it might feel to those who lost Ellis, they bring him up constantly, talk about how unique Hunter’s story is, how close he is to the Blake family, being in love with Ellis Blake Sr.’s son, and how Hunter broke down barriers for queer players in the league. There still aren’t many out, and there’s homophobia and shitty fans and players, but any time inclusivity or queer players are brought up, they always mention Hunter and Ellis.