Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 80774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80774 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 404(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“But you feel guilty about it.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. Everything.” He pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and lights one, making sure the smoke doesn’t go in my face as he exhales. “I remember this one time, we had this trip planned to an amusement park. You were so excited because you’d never been. Do you remember that? Mom insisted we go, and—”
“My mom was going too. She had to work so hard to get the time off. It was so rare we could afford to do anything together like that as a family.” My mom is the hardest worker you’ll ever meet, but life has never been kind to her. She got pregnant with me at eighteen, never went to college, and then lost my father… She’s had to fight for everything in her life until I made it, and now I do my best to spoil her rotten.
“Yes. And then my dad found out about this football program he wanted you to do. It was a good opportunity for you, he said. Once in a lifetime. These are the sacrifices you had to make, and suddenly you weren’t going anymore.”
And it had killed me because I’d wanted to go to the football program, but I’d wanted to go to the amusement park even more. I’d wanted to have that with my mom. With my best friend and the people who had become family to me.
“My mom tried to talk me out of changing my mind. She told me I deserved to be a kid too, and that my whole life didn’t have to be football.” But I knew Coach Blake had pulled strings to get me in, that he’d been willing to pay to get me in. That’s what it took to succeed, he always said, and I wanted that, so bad that I would have sacrificed anything.
“It’s okay to go to the amusement park sometimes, Hunt, and it’s okay to eat some fucking chocolate cake. It’s okay to fuck as many girls and guys as you want, and go to a party and stay up on a rooftop all night. Screw my father or anyone else if they make you believe anything different.”
I look at him, my ears echoey, blood rushing through them like river rapids.
Lucas is exactly what I expected and yet nothing like it. Despite how long I’ve known him, I’ve never known him like this, and right now, all I can think is how comfortable it is to be with him, how soothing…and that I want more.
CHAPTER NINE
Lucas
I’m probably overstepping a million boundaries. That’s what I always do. I take what I want, say what I want, do what I want because I’m selfish, but I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
Hunter doesn’t respond, instead taking a bite of his burrito. I do the same, the two of us sitting on the balcony, on a perfect September day, with the sounds of West Hollywood around us.
“You’ve done well for yourself,” Hunter says before taking a drink of his orange juice. He’s only a year older than me, but he and Ellis always felt like grown-ups compared to me. “Abbie told me about some of the events you’ve photographed and magazines you’ve shot for.”
“She has?” I ask, both surprised and not. Mom’s not perfect, but she’s always been my biggest supporter. Still, I can’t imagine why she’d talk to Hunter about me.
“Yeah. She’s proud of you. She loves you.”
“Well, that makes one of my parents.” I grin, then take a drink as well, as though the juice can wash away the bitter truth of my shitty relationship with my father.
“I don’t know why he’s always been so hard on you,” Hunter says.
“Yes, you do. He likes to get his way, and I’ve never given it to him. I’m not who he wanted me to be, and I didn’t try like Ellis did.”
Hunter flinches at the mention of my brother, and for a moment, I wonder what it would be like to be loved that way by someone. Isla does, even if not in a romantic way. My mom does. I know she would grieve me, but it’s not the same as the relationship Hunter and Ellis had. The two of them had fit from the start. In any other circumstance, my father wouldn’t have been happy about Ellis coming out, but when coming out was coupled with being in a relationship with Hunter, that made it okay, even if at first he didn’t want them to be public. Their transition to being a couple was natural, accepted in a sport that’s not known for being accepting, but with them, it hadn’t mattered.
“He loved your dad.” Hunter doesn’t look at me. “But he loved football too. It wasn’t all for Coach Blake.”
I fight myself not to roll my eyes at his use of that moniker for my dad. He always has and always will, and my father fucking loves it.