Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 131651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 658(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131651 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 658(@200wpm)___ 527(@250wpm)___ 439(@300wpm)
She laughs again.
I wish I could be as lighthearted about it as she is.
For her, it’s fantasy, all right. She’s living vicariously.
Holden was just idle daydreams, never anything serious, and long before she met Kane and got her happily ever after with an older single dad, no less.
We might be cousins, but there’s a massive difference between her situation and mine.
“It’s not gonna work; it’s just fun,” I rush out. “I mean, the age gap, it’s way bigger than yours. We want different things once we get this mess settled. It’s impossible.”
“Oh, you’re in the fun part and you don’t even realize it.”
“The sex?”
“The figuring it out! And okay, the sexy times too. You’re adorable when you blush, by the way.”
I glower.
I’m so not the type of girl who blushes all the time, but I guess admitting to fucking the family bodyguard will do that.
“It’s only the rest of your life. Take your time.” She taps her nails against the table. “I mean, look at me. I never thought in a million years I’d wind up with a grumpy man with a past. He has twins.”
“Okay, fair.” I wince. “One kid seems hard enough.”
“But we made it work, didn’t we? And the kids are awesome. Dan and Sophie make my whole day. Just like you guys, we fought it until we couldn’t, and then we had to merge our worlds. We figured it out, and it was the best thing to ever happen to me.”
I stare at her across the table, studying the way she shines.
She’s sickeningly in love. Not just with Kane Saint, but with her new life.
For a hot second, my jealousy muscle twitches, and I can almost taste the same glory with Holden.
Curled up on the sofa with him and Kit, watching movies in the evenings.
Doing art with Kit while Holden cooks up something scrumptious, then helping him clean up while the kidlet hits the books.
A family life.
A home that’s more than playing house.
A stable, loving nest I never had growing up.
Every day, a new challenge and a fresh surprise.
If he’d stop being dumb, we could take life by the horns together. We could start and end it in each other’s arms. The way we were doing just two days ago, when everything seemed so perfect.
But then my dreams disintegrate.
Holden made it clear he’s not interested in juvenile fantasies. He’s more grounded than I am, and it sucks.
I hate his realism because I can’t prove it’s wrong.
Oh, yes, that rosy glow would last through the honeymoon. And after it ends, the fights would start. Little holes in our lives that stretch into gaping wounds that can’t be patched over.
Little spats at first.
My dreams clashing with his.
Futures pulling apart like broken bones.
Nobody prepared to give up everything, to sacrifice like adults.
I might want to move around for inspiration, and he’d want to stay put in the life he’s carved for his family and himself—the one he had before I came along.
We might still sleep together, but eventually we’d end up as strangers again.
The thought kills me.
There’s nothing lonelier than being with someone and wishing you’d stayed single.
Margot keeps beaming at me with unfiltered enthusiasm, hope shining in her eyes like stars.
I don’t have words to fight her, to rattle off the many reasons this was doomed before it really started. Even though there’s really only one reason, and it isn’t hard to see.
Kane wanted Margot completely.
Holden only wants parts of me.
That’s just not enough to bridge the gap when we’re continents apart.
“If you want him, you should lock in. You should fight,” Margot says, stirring her soggy paper straw through what’s left of her drink absently. “Nothing’s ever guaranteed when it comes to this stuff. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll be surprised.”
Yeah, or maybe I’ll have my heart mauled.
Oh, I wish I could borrow her hope.
But I don’t know how to erase my doubts when there’s only one thing certain.
It’s going to be brutal when the day comes where I walk out of Holden’s life.
I come home to an empty house.
When Holden and Kit arrive home, she’s buzzing with her poetry hangover and a new pile of books. Moody McMiserable does his best to ignore me.
Typical Holden.
But after our talk last night, after my meeting with Margot today, the distance between us cuts like a rusty blade. I’m in too deep to walk away without scars.
That awful love word rattles around my brain.
It’s not true—not yet.
It shouldn’t be possible when we’ve only been ‘together’ in the loosest terms for a matter of weeks.
But I can’t help dwelling on it as Kit joins me at the canvas while I try to wrap up my texture masterpiece today. As I help her with accent paints and plaster glue, showing her how to dab enough on so it all holds firm but doesn’t show, I plan the conversation I’d like to have with her daddy.