Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 62480 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 312(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62480 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 312(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
Noah’s lips are a flat unhappy line.
“He liked me worrying about the missing women. I think it made me more malleable. And of course, it made his secret self seem all the more terrifying and important,” I say. “That night he was being so sweet, but I wasn’t sure we were going to work out, which hurt because he was my first serious relationship. We were watching a movie. I can’t remember what it was. Some of my memories of him are incomplete. My therapist says it’s a trauma response.”
“Is that why you’ve been having trouble tracking down the places he took you?”
“One of them,” I say. “But we also did just go hiking that damn much. He liked to drive and of course he’d tampered with the tracking in his car so there are no records of exactly where we went. Muriel, Hana, and I have been checking weather maps, my class schedule, bank records, and anything else we can think of to try and fill in the gaps.”
“Makes sense that he’d been trying to cover his tracks.”
“He was organized. It’s why it took them so long to catch him.” A light breeze ruffles the leaves in the trees. I am safe, everything is fine, and my ex is locked up in a correctional facility. Which is exactly where he belongs. “That night there was no knocking or anything. No warning. The Tactical Services Unit broke down my apartment door. Scared the absolute crap out of me. But not Ryan. He immediately knew what was happening and went straight for me. The last thing he wanted to do before he got locked up was kill me.”
“What did he do?”
“He tried to strangle me,” I say. “We think that was his thing. His preferred method of homicide. Briana Petersen’s body was very decayed and…you know…local wildlife. But the hyoid bone in her neck was broken. That’s usually a pretty good indicator of strangulation.”
“Right.”
“He always tried to come across as this easygoing affable guy. The second the door broke his face changed. I don’t know how to explain it. There was nothing of the person I thought I knew. It was like he’d never even existed. The whole good son and loving boyfriend had just been an act, you know?”
Noah nods.
“He grabbed my throat and squeezed as hard as he could. I remember the muscles in his arms popping…anyway. I couldn’t talk for like a week and there were all these bruises.” Some of my memories might be hazy; however, this one comes through loud and clear. The crushing pressure of his hands and the excitement shining in his eyes as darkness started creeping into my field of vision. Guess near-death experiences can be like that. Crystal clear and horrific and all kinds of fucked up.
“I am sorry that happened to you.”
“Me too. It absolutely sucks that it happened. But I’m one of the lucky ones because I’m still alive.”
He nods.
“I’ve decided it is time for me to get a life.”
“How are you going to do that?”
“Good question.” I lean my head back and stare at the sky. “I’m still working out the details. I think I’ll start by making some lists and sort of go from there. Throw some possible ideas around and maybe make a plan, you know?”
His smile is amused.
“You doubt me, but I think this could work. The main problem as I see it is…I know who I used to be and what I used to enjoy. But I am not so sure anymore. Things have kind of stagnated for me over the last ten years. I kind of stagnated.”
“Are you happy right now in this moment?”
I smile. “Yeah. I really am.”
“Why don’t you start from there?”
“Is it boring that I like hanging in my backyard, talking to you, and looking at the sky?”
“No.”
“I do also enjoy some occasional day drinking and beating up my boxing bag.”
“There you go,” he says. “Balance in all things.”
“You know, you’re good at this.”
“At what?”
“Making me feel good.”
He downs a mouthful of beer and stares around the backyard. At the section of broken fence off to the side and his house beyond. “I think we should give being friends a try.”
I do my best to ignore the sting. There’s a silent just before the word friends. But at least he still wants to know me. “I’d like that.”
We’re not going on a date. This is two friends hanging out on a Monday night. Though it’s still a great excuse to wear something new. Because at the end of the day, I dress for me and no one else. Your happiness can’t rely on another person. It just doesn’t work. This time my outfit is linen shorts and a matching camisole with flat sandals on my feet. The fit is sweet, though it makes me feel weirdly exposed. I don’t usually go out in public with so much skin on display. I don’t usually do anything to attract attention. But growth is my new best friend.