Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 62994 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 315(@200wpm)___ 252(@250wpm)___ 210(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62994 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 315(@200wpm)___ 252(@250wpm)___ 210(@300wpm)
Her breath shakes as she nods. “Yes,” she whispers. “I found out a few days ago. Before you brought me here. I didn’t know how to tell you and I wasn’t even sure if I should tell you. But I wanted to be honest.”
I reach up and cradle her cheek, my thumb brushing away a tear that finally slips free. Her breath catches under the touch, and she leans into my hand like she needs me to be steady while she goes careening over a cliff.
She’s carrying my child. A child who is part me and part her, and completely innocent and unfamiliar with the way of the world. Somehow, out of my darkness, I’ve created something good. I’m going to have a family.
That’s something I never believed I would have. I convinced myself I would never deserve it.
And maybe that’s still true, but in this reality, with her sitting in front of me, waiting for me to respond, waiting for me to acknowledge this news, I feel hopeful in a way that I’ve never felt before.
I pull her into my arms. She sinks into my chest with a soft, relieved sound, as if she’s been holding her breath for days. I press my lips to her forehead, to her hair, to her temple, kissing her again and again because one kiss is not enough. Nothing feels like enough.
“Thank you,” I whisper against her hair, my voice raw. “You have no idea what this means to me.”
She tenses slightly, as if she thinks she misheard me. She pulls back just enough to look up at me, her brows drawn together.
“What do you mean?”
I cup her face with both hands. “I never dreamed I could have this,” I reply, my voice thick with emotion. “I didn’t even know this was something I wanted. But all of a sudden, it makes so much sense. It’s like a puzzle piece falling into place.”
Her mouth trembles. “Samuil…” she says in a watery voice, but I don’t let her finish.
Instead, I kiss her again, slowly and humbly, savoring every inch of her that I can taste. She’s a miracle, I think. She is the first, and possibly only good thing that’s ever happened to me. She’s brought me this gift, and I can never show her enough gratitude. Inside her, this fragile, precious life is growing, and I can never allow the world to destroy it. My life has more purpose now than it ever has before.
I slide my hand down her arm until I can rest my palm against her lower belly. She covers my hand with hers, guiding me to the flat part of her where our child is growing. There’s nothing visible there yet, but I already feel a magnetic pull to this sacred space. My son or daughter lives there.
“The first night we were together?” I ask quietly, my eyes burning a hole into that spot.
“Yep.”
For over a month, my child has been growing inside her, getting stronger each and every day.
“I can’t believe how well you’re taking this,” she says softly, searching my face. “I didn’t know how you would react. I thought you might be angry. Or that you wouldn’t want…” Her voice breaks again as she trails off. “I didn’t want you to think I was trying to force anything on you.”
I shake my head, pulling her closer. “You’re not forcing anything,” I tell her earnestly. “I’m surprised too, but I’ve never been happier in my life than I am right now. You have no idea how much this child means to me.”
Tears spill down her cheeks again, and I kiss them away. She curls against me, finally letting herself relax. I wrap my arms around her, holding her in my lap and stroking her hair.
We lie back on the bed together, her head resting on my chest, our hands joined over her belly. I smooth her hair slowly, luxuriating in the softness, in the quiet, in the unimaginable tenderness swelling inside my chest.
“I know it’s a lot. It was a lot for me when I found out. It’s okay if you need a minute to adjust.”
I breathe deeply, trying to find the words for exactly how I’m feeling.
“It is certainly unexpected,” I say slowly. “Maybe even a little overwhelming and terrifying.” I tilt her chin so she looks at me. “But I also think it’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
She nods at this, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, and presses a gentle kiss against my lips. It almost feels like a promise.
We speak quietly for a long time, voices barely above whispers, imagining what our lives could look like with a baby. We talk about places we want to travel together as a family and the things we want to teach our little one. We talk about our own families, or lack thereof, and the kind of life we want to give our child.