Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 92749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 92749 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 464(@200wpm)___ 371(@250wpm)___ 309(@300wpm)
I look at her eager face, then at Rye who’s carefully not looking at either of us.
“Sure,” I tell Lily. “Let’s work on it.”
We spend the next hour going over the bridge, Lily’s concentration absolute as she works through the tricky timing. She’s got talent, real talent. When she finally nails the section, her whole face lights up.
“I did it! Mom, did you hear? I got it!”
Rye smiles from where she’s been pretending to read a magazine. “I heard, baby. You sound great.”
“Darian says if I keep practicing, I could play professionally someday.”
“Is that what you want?” Rye asks.
Lily shrugs. “Maybe. Right now I just want to learn.”
After dinner, when Lily's in her room, Rye and I sit on the porch.
“The person who called,” I start. “It was Laura. She was Reverend Sister’s publicist.”
“Was?”
“Remember the publicist that was screwing Van?”
Rye nods.
“Her. I’m sure she’s working with Van and the other guys. I don’t know what they’re doing now because I don’t want to care.” I pause.
“Jesus.”
“Yeah. Laura told Zara to just get over it, stay with the band. Said it would blow over.”
“And now she’s calling you with opportunities?”
“Apparently Rex’s people reached out to her because of her connections to the band. She’s playing agent now, trying to make a commission.”
“Do you trust her?”
“Not even a little. But the opportunity’s real. Rex Lawson’s team confirmed it via email.” I show her my phone.
Rye’s quiet for a moment. “It’s in LA though.”
“Yeah. Laura insists it has to be there. Industry connections, session musicians, all that.”
“She’s probably right.”
“Probably.”
We sit in silence, both of us knowing what this means. Three months minimum. Maybe four.
“When do you have to decide?” she asks.
“End of the week.”
“That’s soon.”
“Yeah.”
I want to tell her that I’m leaning toward staying. That teaching Lily guitar matters more than producing an album. That what we’re building here feels more important than career advancement. But I can’t make those words come out because I’m not sure they’re true.
“Darian?” Lily’s voice calls from inside. “Can you help me?”
“Be right there,” I call back, then look at Rye. “We should talk more about this.”
“Should we?” She stands, wrapping her arms around herself. “Seems straightforward to me. You have an incredible opportunity. You should take it.”
“And us?”
“There is no us,” she says quietly. “Not really. Not yet.”
The words sting even though they’re probably true. We’ve been circling each other for months, getting closer but never quite there. Always on the cusp, until she pulls back. Or until I open my mouth to say stupid shit about job opportunities. I should’ve never answered the call.
“I thought we were something.”
Rye smirks.
Later, after Lily’s in bed, I find Rye on the porch again, glass of wine in hand.
“Rye, come on. Talk to me,” I say quietly.
Rye takes a sip of wine before answering. “I’m worried I won’t want you to–.”
“To what?”
Rye takes a deep breath. “Three months is a long time, Darian. Long enough for Lily to get used to you being gone. Long enough for me to remember why I don’t let musicians into our life.”
“So you want me to go?”
“I want you to do what’s best for your career. And I want Lily and me to not be the reason you don’t.”
“What if you’re the reason I want to stay?”
She looks at me then. “Then we’re in trouble. Because staying for someone else never works. You have to stay for yourself, or eventually you’ll resent us.”
“That’s what you really think?”
“That’s what I know.”
I want to argue, but maybe she’s right. Maybe staying would feel noble now but suffocating later.
“I should go,” I say, standing. “Think about things.”
“Darian.” She catches my hand as I pass. “Whatever you decide, we’ll be okay. Lily and me. We were okay before you, we’ll be okay after.”
It’s meant to be reassuring, I think, but it feels like she’s already letting me go.
“What if I don’t want you to be okay without me?”
She squeezes my hand once, then lets go. “Then you need to figure out what you really want. Because wanting us to need, you isn’t the same as wanting to be here.”
I leave with that thought in my head. Back at my apartment, I sit in the dark, nursing a beer, trying to work through everything. The Rex Lawson opportunity is everything I thought I wanted. Recognition, credibility, a real step forward.
But when I think about three months in LA, all I can see is Rye and the life I want to build with her.
My phone buzzes. Laura again.
Rex is really excited about the possibility. This could lead to more production work. You could build a whole new career. Don’t let small-town life make you small-minded.
Small-minded. Is that what staying would be? Or is leaving the small-minded choice, running toward success instead of staying for something harder to define?
Three days to decide. Three days to figure out if I’m the kind of man who takes the sure thing or the one who stays for possibility.