Total pages in book: 129
Estimated words: 120029 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 600(@200wpm)___ 480(@250wpm)___ 400(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 120029 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 600(@200wpm)___ 480(@250wpm)___ 400(@300wpm)
“You demand trust after you left me with him?” I hiss, stepping from behind the column, my body driven by anger I wish to scratch out. I can’t think. Everything is such a blur. “You promised! You promised to set me free, but apparently you were just biding your time to make me change my mind!” In a blur of helpless fury and resentment I push his chest, again and again.
I half-expect him to push back, then throw me from the balcony for good measure, but he just raises his arms higher, stepping back until he reaches the table.
“I did promise. I… I’m sorry I misread what happened. You are right. I don’t deserve your trust, but I will honor the promise I made.”
I want to cry.
Nothing about this feels right, but neither does leaving things as they are. I feel as if every step ahead will lead along a path made of sharp blades.
“I’m sorry,” I whimper, because the stinging pain inside me might be my own emotion as well as his.
Tristan gently grabs my hands where they laid on his chest and steps away from between me and the table. Toward the balcony door. “No need to be. I will… I will go make preparations for our trip.”
I’m simply doing what’s best for me. So why do I feel like the worst person who ever existed?
I love Tristan so much. Can he not see that this is the only way for us to have a clean start?
I don’t want to cry, but tears still flow, and I keep my head low, hoping he won’t see it. Instead of leaving swiftly, he just stands there, until he clears his throat and comes closer again. I’m such a darn mess.
“Can I help in any way?” he whispers. “Are you worried about staying alone here? You are safe, I assure you.”
“No… I just—” I know there are words inside me that would communicate the depths of my feelings and the confusion over having to hurt him like this, but they’re not coming. “I care for you so much, Tristan…”
“I understand. I’m sorry I can’t meet you halfway. It would not be fair to your heart or mine. So I… must go,” he says quickly and turns to the balcony as my whole chest seems to collapse on itself.
I want to stop him. I want to grab at his arm, ask for forgiveness he can’t possibly give me yet, I want him to stay so I can convince myself I haven’t just ruined the best relationship I’ve ever had. But he spreads his wings and flies out as I collapse, hiding my face in my hands while I struggle for breath.
I did the right thing. I shouldn’t let him entrap me, no matter how noble his intentions might be.
But why does it have to hurt so, so darn much?
The whimpers and scratching on the bedroom door pull me out of my stupor, but I don’t have the strength to get up, so I go there on all fours and let Lady out. She crashes into me, licking my face like mad, and while it’s hardly helpful, I do end up hugging her tightly.
Despite how she’s been hurt by humans, she’s so happy to see me, so eager to be around me. She trusts me.
So why am I so broken?
Chapter 33
Tristan
I’m numb as I go through the motions of preparing our bags for the journey. It’s not that far, but if things don’t go as intended, we might have to camp in the wilderness. At least planning what to take, from snacks to the tent, gives me a purpose and something to focus on.
I didn’t get much sleep last night, rolling from one side to the other as the conversation with Nate wouldn’t stop tormenting me. All I could do for him was keep my composure, but I failed even at that and lost my nerve too much. At least I can’t say I didn’t communicate my feelings for him in a last-ditch effort to prove I’m worth his affection.
Not that it mattered in the end.
Nate doesn’t seem to have slept well either, but to me he’s just as handsome with swollen eyelids and grayish complexion as he was when I first saw him.
There’s a wall between us now. A wall that could be pierced if one of us reached out, but I fear it can’t be shattered, and it stays in place even when I slide into the saddle behind him.
He is trying to keep his back straight and avoids leaning into me, but I can still smell the wood and amber on his hair. It’s faint, likely a leftover from the perfume he used before accompanying me to the party, but despite the thorn in my heart, I wish I could bury my face in his neck and soothe myself with his aroma.