Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 148962 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 745(@200wpm)___ 596(@250wpm)___ 497(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 148962 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 745(@200wpm)___ 596(@250wpm)___ 497(@300wpm)
> Status: encryption disintegrating.
> Rewriting code to accommodate deviation.
> Risk level: escalating.
> Action: postpone patch. Increase proximity.
It’s been a while since my body has hijacked me to this degree, but it’s not completely unexpected. I never get complacent during the good stretches, because there will always be bad ones.
I haven’t done myself any favors, getting even less sleep than usual lately. Between forcing myself to stay awake when I’m in Gabi’s bed and checking in with Julian every hour she’s at school, I’ve only been managing a few hours a day.
I knew it would catch up with me, but right now, I don’t have a better alternative.
Until I know she’s safe from any lingering fallout with Imperium, I can’t let my guard down.
The same goes for sleeping next to her. Being unconscious is too much of a risk when I can’t control all the potential variables that could trigger an episode.
The logical thing to do would be to leave at night and sleep in my own bed, but my instincts resist that idea with every fiber of my being.
Realistically, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this charade up. Every time I’m near her, it feeds my obsession.
I won’t let her marry Riccardo, or anyone else for that matter. But I have nothing more to offer her than this highly controlled existence that still doesn’t solve the underlying problem.
I’m not safe for her.
Yet, here I am, pushing every fucking limit I set for myself. If I had an ounce of decency in me, I would have gone home this week and let my brothers watch over her. I wouldn’t be fucking with her head by ghosting her as Eros, and inserting myself into her life as the man who’s tormented her for so many years. I sure as fuck don’t deserve a second chance, but the animal in me wants one.
That part of me liked it far too much when she fell asleep on me last night. She looked entirely too comfortable with the wolf at her back, entertaining dark thoughts as she lay there, completely vulnerable to me.
I wanted to strip her bare and fuck her while she looked me in the eyes.
That fantasy has been rattling around my head all day, a welcome distraction from the dark thoughts circling the drain in my mind.
During weeks like this, when the pain shooting through my body escalates to unbearable levels, death would be a welcome reprieve.
The demon inside me offers up the usual buffet of intrusive thoughts and violent impulses to self-destruct.
I’ve learned to cohabitate with the beast, and how to tune him out most of the time. But on days like this, he’s so goddamned loud it’s impossible.
When he bares his teeth, we go to war with each other, and these days, I always win—no matter how bad things get.
Today, they’re pretty fucking bad.
Everything is blindingly bright, and I’ve had a low hum in my skull that I can’t shake. My energy is zapped, and even breathing hurts.
Collapsing on Gabi’s bed for a nap isn’t the best idea I’ve ever had, but moving would require a moral compass, which I don’t possess.
When she gets home from school, I hear the elevator open down the hall, and Rafe greets her.
He’s currently parked on the lounge, probably losing his mind from boredom.
He might annoy the fuck out of me when he flirts with Gabi to get under my skin, but he’s loyal to a fault. When I asked him to be here this week, just in case he needed to murder me if anything goes sideways, he didn’t hesitate.
After a brief exchange, Gabi pads down the hall with Beppe trailing after her, his nails tapping over the floor.
When she enters the room and sees me sprawled across her bed, she shoots me a glare.
“Have you ever heard of boundaries?” she huffs.
“Can’t say that I care much for them.”
Despite the bite in her tone, she stares at me for a long moment, her gaze roaming the length of my body before she shakes herself out of it.
“Why are you in here, Romeo?”
“I thought I should see if there was something wrong with the bed. Or is there another reason you preferred sleeping on me last night?”
“Do you make it your life’s mission to torture me?”
The emotion clogging her throat bothers me, and my amusement dries up when I see the tears hovering at the edges of her eyes. She’s upset, and it isn’t just over this conversation.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, frustrated that I don’t already know.
“Nothing,” she rasps.
“Gabi, tell me why you’re upset.”
“Yeah, so you can use it against me later?” She sighs. “I don’t have the energy to fight with you today. Can you please just leave?”
Tension bleeds through my muscles as I clamp my jaw shut, biting back my words.