Total pages in book: 43
Estimated words: 39947 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 200(@200wpm)___ 160(@250wpm)___ 133(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 39947 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 200(@200wpm)___ 160(@250wpm)___ 133(@300wpm)
“Well, it is only ninety-three percent effective. And weren’t you drinking that night?”
I gave her a look.
I brought a glass of orange juice to my lips.
“Probably shouldn’t drink that.” Maddie winced. “It’s unpasteurized. Plus, pregnancy heartburn is the work of the devil.”
Fantastic. Not three hours had passed since my pregnancy revelation, and already I was being denied my favorite juice. I put the glass back down.
“Please don’t act like I’m going to keep it.” I parked my elbows on the island, then grabbed the back of my neck and pressed my forehead to the cool marble surface.
“Aren’t you?” Maddie’s voice was carefully toneless.
“No!” I tossed my arms in the air. “You know how I feel about having children.”
She just stared at me. A look that told me that all of this had been said and done before I became pregnant. When a child of my own was an abstract idea.
“I love children, but I also know what it means to take care of them, and I think doing it alone would stretch me beyond my limits.”
“Isn’t there a small part of you that wants to keep it?” Maddie asked quietly.
I stared at her through bloodshot eyes, feeling my entire existence sagging with resignation. Yes, there was.
God, there was a huge part of me that wanted to meet this now-grain-size fetus. That same part also suspected this was kismet.
I was thirty-three. I adored kids. I just didn’t like the idea of making them with someone else, someone whose destiny I had to tie with mine. I had secretly toyed with the idea of a sperm donor or adoption along the years. I’d always put it on hold, though, because I didn’t have enough time, enough money, enough help. But Grant . . .
Grant was a really great guy. If there ever was a man I could coparent with, it would be him.
Maddie reached to put her hand on mine across the granite island. “What would Dear Desiree say?”
“Oh, I know exactly what she’d say. People write to her about things like this all the time.” I massaged my temples. “Probably to have it and bleed Grant dry in child support. She’s a bit combative when it comes to this subject. I would never do that to him.”
How would that even work? Having a baby with Grant? He was always so busy with work. And he’d just taken a position in Minnesota. He wouldn’t even be here.
His words from the last time we’d hooked up echoed in my head.
“I’m too busy finding the cure to cancer to have a life.”
A child would monopolize his time, resources, and mental capacity. I knew, because I worked with fifteen of them every day in close quarters. Was it fair to spring this on him?
Is it fair to give this up only because he might not want to be involved with the child’s life?
“Am I crazy to want this?” I asked my friend. “Because you’re right. A part of me does want to keep it. And I actually have the privilege to make this work, with or without Grant.”
My parents lived in a good-size house in Hoboken. I could move in with them for the first couple of years. They could help me. I could take my maternity leave for six months. Maybe even stretch it into a year. I’d worked at my current preschool for five years now and had a decent salary and health insurance. I could move back home, commute from Jersey, save up to buy myself a small house.
I mean, logistically, it was doable.
“No, you’re not crazy.” Mad’s eyes were glistening with tears. “Heck, you coparent Ronan, and he’s not even yours. I think you’ve wanted this for a long time subconsciously. You love children too much to not have one of your own. You just didn’t want to do this with someone else because of Connor.”
I nodded. Maddie knew the whole story with my ex. Including the part about our disastrous reunion five weeks ago.
“It’s going to be so hard.”
“You love hard things,” Maddie pointed out with a grin. We both snorted. “Besides, the universe never gives you more than you can handle.”
“Well, that’s a load of bologna. Hey, universe”—I looked around the lavish penthouse, addressing the air—“thanks for the vote of confidence, but you totally miscalculated.”
“You need to tell Grant.” She leaned in to put a hand on my shoulder. “He has the right to know.”
I moaned into my palms. “I’m so embarrassed. This all sounds like a bad 16 and Pregnant episode.”
“Those things do happen, even to levelheaded people,” Maddie said conversationally. “I agree, it’s not going to be the most comfortable conversation. Still, he needs to know.”
“He is going to hate me.”
“Pretty sure he’s incapable of doing that.” Maddie patted my hand reassuringly. “He adores you.”
Yes. Of course he did. I was an easy lay and a good companion to pass the time with, someone who didn’t require him to put in any kind of effort. He didn’t have to take me out on dates, buy me gifts, or invest any time, emotions, or money in me. It was one thing to have casual sex. I was positive he didn’t want more than that, though.