Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 75891 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75891 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 379(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
And the reason I know she’s it is because of the things I see when I look at her. I’d been pushing all of this out of my mind to preserve my own sanity. I’d given myself every excuse in the book for why things happened the way they did between us. But after seeing her that night, my mind has been like a dog with a bone.
My own conscience beat the shit outta me to the point that I had no choice but to sit back and face reality. Again, she’s the first and only person who has made me lie to myself and for so long. I’m so scared of her that I was willing to fool myself for the rest of my life.
In my head, if the betrayal I’d faced in my first relationship had affected me the way it did, and I wasn’t even genuinely in love, then what would a betrayal from this mythical soul mate of mine do to me? It’s not something I was willing to risk.
And so, when I got that first inkling that she was the one, I made it a point never to be in her presence again. I strategically avoided any and all chances of a run-in. The few times that didn’t work were some of the worst nights of my life. It would take me days to get over that feeling of being punch drunk when I hadn’t had a drink.
Even that, I explained away in my feeble mind and called it something else. Even my reaction upon hearing that she was shacking up with some piece of shit, I stored away as natural. Yeah, it’s natural for an uninvolved member of society to put his fist through a wall because the chick he wouldn’t give the time of day was sleeping with someone else.
After that, it’s been years since I allowed myself to think about her. If my physical relationships with women had tapered off tremendously, that could be attributed to my work ethic. It had nothing to do with me thinking that the less people I slept with, the less sex she would be having with him.
Besides, it paid off. All those extra hours that I would’ve been spending with some chick that wasn’t going to get past my radar were spent working and building something I love with my own hands. I haven’t even thought about her in too long to remember. But it all came rushing back at the first sight of her.
It was as if the years hadn’t gone by, and that horrible night didn’t exist between us. At least, that’s what I felt for the first few seconds. But then that built-in defense kicked in, and I was back to wanting no part of her.
That held up pretty well for the first night or so, but then the nagging began, and there was no escaping my own thoughts. Every argument that did me well in the past was shot down before the words were completely formed. I pushed back as hard as I could until sheer exhaustion made me give in.
No, even that’s a lie. It wasn’t just exhaustion; it was the sense of knowing that it was pointless to run this time around because, this time, I didn’t put up my walls fast enough since the run-in was so unexpected. Somehow, she snuck in under my guard, and I had to admit to myself, for the first time, that I wanted her.
I spent these last few days fighting that want, trying to bring myself back under control, and all it took was one phone call to knock down all my barriers again. I’d barely heard her name before my heart started doing that crazy shit it does where she’s concerned, and by the time his words that she was on her way here registered, I was in full cardiac breakdown.
And now, here she is, standing in front of me, looking as grungy as I’ve ever seen her, and all I can see is that fucking light around her as my heart tries beating me to death. This is bullshit, all fucking bullshit. A man should be free to choose his mate. Why should I be a part of this game that I had no say in?
I don’t want to lose my damn mind over this twit, and I know for damn sure…
“What are you glaring at? Here?” She pushed the folder she carried into my gut with attitude and turned to flounce away. I don’t know what made me do it; in fact, I wasn’t thinking at all.
All I know is that fucking attitude, and the way she rolled her eyes at me, set something off inside me that was new to me. I’ve never wanted to murder and fuck the same individual at the same time before. This is a first.