Total pages in book: 174
Estimated words: 172061 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 860(@200wpm)___ 688(@250wpm)___ 574(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 172061 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 860(@200wpm)___ 688(@250wpm)___ 574(@300wpm)
“Cash.” I attempted to grab him by the wrist.
He pulled out of my hold, and he gripped at his hair as he stumbled back toward the door. “I can’t do this, Daisy. I can’t fucking do this. Can’t do this thing that we keep sliding toward. I want to be someone else when it comes to you. But I’m not. I’m fucking not.”
“But you are.” My voice shook on the denial. “You are that person when it comes to me. When it comes to my children. You are good and kind and gentle, and you’re a protector—brutal and ferocious—when you need to be. Like you were tonight.”
My tone twisted in emphasis. “And when you touch me, I feel alive in a way that I never have. With you I feel beautiful and cherished and brave. You fill all the places that have been empty since you left. With you is where I feel safe, both my body and my heart.”
Each word heaved out on a plea, and I fisted my hand over my aching chest. “I love you, Cash. I’ve always loved you. Since I was sixteen years old, I’ve loved you. I loved the person you were then, and I love the person you are now.”
He flinched with each word I gave him. As if each were bullets that impaled. Darts that delivered agony.
“No. No, Daisy. I don’t get that. I don’t get your love.”
He opened the door.
Torment erupted from the deepest part of me.
My limbs shook uncontrollably, and my heart felt like it was going to fail.
“Do you blame me? Because I was there?” I demanded to his back. “Because I didn’t listen to you and go home, but instead waited for you?”
He froze for the longest time before he turned.
Nothing but grimness filled those hazel eyes. “No, Daisy. The only person I blame is myself.”
Then he walked out, the door clicking shut behind him.
The man ruining me all over again.
Just like I knew he would.
Heartbreaker.
His own too disfigured to love me back.
FORTY-TWO
CASH
SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD
Cash pushed out the doors at the back of the locker room with the rest of his team and headed for the bus that idled at the curb.
Anticipation filled the air, every one of his teammates vibrating with nerves. Confidence and circumspection. The state championship was a big fucking deal, and you could feel the weight of it woven with the thrill that buzzed through the group.
They all filtered toward the bus, wearing dress pants, button-downs, and ties, their duffel bags slung over their shoulders.
School didn’t let out for another hour, but he knew most of their classmates would show for tonight’s game to cheer them on to victory.
He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Daisy tucked into the mix, trying to hide when she was the brightest flower he’d ever seen.
He followed the line of his team as they gathered in front of the bus that was painted with a panther running down the side, which was their team logo.
He was about ten guys back from boarding when he felt the stir of a presence to his right, over close to where Cash had parked his truck near a chain-link fence.
Matthew.
He could feel the anxiety radiating from him. Could feel it in the way he paced back and forth and yanked at his hair.
Damn it.
Was this ever going to end? His brother getting himself into constant trouble. Making things difficult for their parents.
Cash felt bad for him, but this was getting ridiculous.
He glanced around, making sure his coach wasn’t paying attention, before he went jogging that way.
“Matthew, what are you doing here?” He kept his voice low and controlled.
Matthew spun toward him, his voice just as low. “Fuck, Cash. I’m in trouble.”
Dread sank like a stone to the pit of Cash’s stomach. “What’s going on?”
“I need your help.”
“Anything.”
He regretted the offer the second it left his mouth.
Because Matthew fisted both hands, taking two steps in one direction, then two in the other, before he was flying toward Cash and begging, “It was the only thing I could do.”
Agitation burned from his brother.
“Do what?”
Matthew kept pacing, ranting below his breath, “You guys are favored to win by negative ten. The most valuable bets are ones that go against you. It was the only thing I could do. Only way I could get out of this.”
Confusion whipped a storm through Cash’s brain. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You have to lose, Cash. You have to throw this game. Otherwise, I’m dead. I’m fuckin’ dead.”
A spear of shock tore through the middle of Cash. “What?”
Matthew’s face twisted in a pathetic plea. “I owe more than a hundred grand. I doubled or nothing against the Panthers, but I don’t have the funds to back it up.”
Anger surged through Cash. “Tell me you didn’t.”
“I didn’t have another choice. It was the only thing I could do.”