Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 82982 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82982 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 415(@200wpm)___ 332(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
I remained as I was until my breathing steadied and my wits returned, and then I rolled off her, gathering her up into my arms. She nestled into me with a sigh of contentment, and I pressed a kiss to her crown. “Ah, Maddie mine, what you do to me.”
“I like this part of marriage,” she mused, making me laugh.
“As do I.”
“Do all couples share this feeling?” she asked, curious.
I cleared my throat. “I think it depends. Not all couples have the connection we have built, my wife. Many marriages, especially those among the higher-ups, are matches that are made with lineage and connections in mind. Not love.”
“I would not like to do this with someone else.”
“And nor will you ever,” I growled.
She laughed, slapping my chest. “How can one enjoy it if there is no love?” she asked, looking at me.
I sat up with a sigh, leaning against the headboard, the wood feeling cold. I gazed down at her with a smile as I ran my knuckles over her cheek. “People, especially men, can perform with or without love.” I paused. “In fact, most men prefer it that way. It is simply a release.”
“And women?” she asked, pulling herself up into the same sitting position and drawing her legs to her chest.
Absently, I pulled up the covering so she didn’t get chilled. I chose my words carefully, reminding myself she was still so innocent in the ways of the world.
“Some women, yes. Others do it as their duty, with little pleasure.”
She was quiet for a moment. “How sad.”
“Yes, I imagine so.”
She turned her head, meeting my eyes. “And you?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Before me,” she explained. “Did you give your, ah, lovers pleasure?”
I was shocked at her question, yet somehow proud of it as well.
“I tried.” I lifted her hand and kissed it. “Sexual congress was empty before you, Maddie. A meaningless pleasure my body craved. No one ever touched my heart the way you have. With you, it means more. But yes, I wanted my lover to experience the same pleasure—I have never been selfish in that regard.”
“Good.”
“That’s all?” I teased. “You are not jealous?”
“Oh, terribly so,” she retorted. “I want to find any woman you had, ah, relations with and scratch her eyes out. But you married me and you say you love me. So I have won.”
“I do love you,” I retorted. “With all of my heart.” Then I grinned. “You don’t feel that you’ve won when I vex you,” I said with a wink, enjoying the conversation with her.
She smiled softly. “We don’t vex each other much.”
“No.”
“Have you ever loved before?” she asked.
That question caught me off guard, and I took a moment to gather my thoughts.
“When I was in my youth, I fancied myself in love. She was a young maid, and she was sweet and lovely. We grew close, and I wanted to marry her. Lift her out of the drudgery her life was.”
“What happened?” she asked gently.
“We were found out by my father. He was furious. Informed me that peers of the realm didn’t marry maids. That she was simply using me for my wealth and title and I was an idiot. I remember how frightened she appeared to be, how terrified her eyes were as he dragged her from me, sending her away. The look in her eyes haunted me. The look in your eyes that night reminded me of that dread.”
“Is that why you took me?”
“Yes,” I replied honestly. “I had seen that frightened expression before, and I refused to leave you to the life you had.” I sighed. “The look of terror in your eyes that night will never leave me. I strive to ensure you never appear thus again.”
She was silent for a moment, her gaze locked on mine.
“What occurred after?”
“My father and I argued, and he beat me. Locked me up in the attic for weeks on end.”
She grasped my hands. “Alexander,” she breathed. “How terrible.”
“Once I recovered, I searched for her. It was as if she had disappeared. I was beside myself, feeling as if I had let her down. Terrified that she was alone and what she was doing for employment. How she was caring for herself.”
“Did you find her?”
“It took a whole year, but I did.”
“And?” she prompted, as if I were telling her a fairy tale and she couldn’t wait for the ending.
“In this case, my father was right. When I found her, she was married to a blacksmith. Happy and with child. She had to recall who I was, then laughed off my concern and walked away. I realized then how little I had meant to her. She had been more concerned about losing her position in the household.”
“Oh, Alexander,” she murmured, stroking my jaw. “You must have been distraught.”
I shook my head as I recalled how I’d truly felt. “I felt foolish and angry that my father had been right. I swore never to put my heart in danger again.” I squeezed her hands. “Until you came into my life, my sweet, and changed all that.”