Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 81281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“Okay, fine… but you’re going to at least hear me out. You owe me that much.”
I’m not sure if I owed it to her, but I gave it anyway. “Talk.”
Livia took a deep breath and moved in closer. “I know I pushed too far. I know I used what we were to get you to open up and I know that was wrong, I won’t stand here and argue that it wasn’t.” She clasped her hands and I saw that her knuckles went white, which told me she was nervous. “I own that. Completely. No qualifications.”
I simply stared at her.
“But I want you to hear me,” she said, her words coming quicker because maybe she was afraid I’d cut her off. “Because I think you already know it and you’re choosing not to look at it, but what I did in that session and what Adam did to you are not the same thing.”
That caught me by surprise, because I was indeed lumping her in with Adam. The whole breach of trust thing.
“Adam lied,” she continued. “He stood in front of people who mattered to you and he rewrote the truth to protect himself, then he let you carry the entire weight of what he did. That is one of the most devastating things one person can do to another, and you’ve been carrying it for a long time. I am so sorry that happened to you.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, because talk of my past was making me uncomfortable. Still, I said nothing.
Livia sighed, understanding that wasn’t going to be a conversation, merely a speech. “But I didn’t lie, Locke. I pushed past a line I agreed to respect. That’s a real thing and it was wrong. But it is not the same as what Adam did and you know that.”
“I know it’s not the same exact thing,” I admitted, but my words were clipped. “Still, you betrayed our bargain.”
“Maybe so,” she said in frustration. “But I have never in my professional life crossed the lines I crossed with you. I have never let a working relationship become what ours became. You want to know why?” I don’t wait for an answer. “Because I don’t do that. Because I am careful and I am professional and I keep everything in the right boxes, and I do not let people in past the point where they can do real damage.” Her voice was so steady, I almost believed her.
“And then you happened. And I couldn’t keep you in the box. I tried, Locke. I tried and you just kept being you. And the person you actually are when you let someone see it is someone worth every line I crossed.”
That got to me, because it’s been a long fucking time since I’d been worth anything to anyone.
Maybe she sensed a softening, because she rushed on. “You lost something good once. The best friendship you’d ever had. You did everything right and it still destroyed you. And I understand why that made you decide that good things aren’t safe.” She stepped closer and I almost reached for her. “But you don’t get to use Adam as an excuse to throw away something real. You don’t get to do that.” Her voice quavered and I almost cracked. “That’s not strength. That’s fear. And you are too good a man to spend the rest of your life being afraid of the one thing you actually want.”
She was breathing hard when she finished and it was a lot to process. But in the end, I couldn’t take the chance with her. Every one of my defenses told me to shut it down.
So I did. “Livia… I appreciate what you’re saying, but it doesn’t change anything. I think it’s just best if we go our separate ways.”
The minute the words were out of my mouth, they felt utterly wrong. I almost took them back, but her expression stopped me.
It was acceptance. Just that easy, I could see she was done trying.
And that felt easier to me.
So, I didn’t say another word and she walked away.
Van falls into step beside me without ceremony as I walk toward the players’ lot door. “Talk,” he demands.
“Nothing to talk about.”
“The roughing penalty in the second.”
“Rome got hit.”
“Rome got hit and fourteen other guys on this roster kept their gloves on.” He steps into my path and halts, forcing me to stop. “You didn’t. What was that?”
I gust out a breath of frustration. “It was nothing. A harmless penalty.”
“It was an unnecessary penalty. You’re lucky it’s harmless or it would be Patrick talking to you, not me.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
I scrape my fingers through my hair and look away.
“What about the woman you told me about?” Van asks. “Is she the cause of this?”
My head whips back his way, because yeah… she’s the cause. I don’t give him that though, remaining stubbornly silent.