Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 116372 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116372 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Mommy tells me it’s going to be okay, but I don’t feel like it is.
Finally they stop asking questions. I’m glad because I don’t like them. Then someone takes pictures of all of my bruises. I don’t really know how I got them all. Daddy is angry, and Mommy tries to hide how sad she is.
I’m glad when they finally say we can go home.
Daddy carries me out to the car, and Mommy sits in the back seat with me. I snuggle into her hair, breathing in her shampoo, trying not to let the memories or the smells come back. I want to put on my favorite pajamas and hug my stuffed beaver and never leave my house again.
I want to feel safe.
Daddy carries me upstairs, and Mommy starts a bath for me. Daddy sets me on the stool beside the bathtub and kneels in front of me. I only have one shoe on. I don’t know what happened to the other one.
My dress is filthy, covered in smudges of dirt. Kodiak’s hoodie has a tear on one side, and there’s crusty brown stuff all over the sleeves. I start to cry again, because everything is too much. I dig my nails into my palms, so I don’t make any noise.
“Hey, hey, hey.” Mommy pries my hands open. My palms are crusted in dried blood, and fresh blood wells in the cuts I’ve opened up. “Lavender, honey, who did this?”
“He said if I made a sound, I’d never see you again, so I screamed into my skin.”
“I’m so sorry, sweetie. We’ll never let anything bad happen to you ever again.”
“What if he comes back?” I whisper. “What if he takes me again?”
“He won’t, honey. I promise that’s not going to happen.”
I want to believe her, but the memories are still there—like a bad dream that doesn’t go away. He lives in my head now, the biggest monster in there.
Later, after I’m all cleaned up and in fresh pajamas, Mommy makes me a snack. But I’m not hungry, and all I want is my bed and to make sure River is okay. I want to tell him it wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t keep hold of me.
I want everything to be the same as it was before.
But it isn’t.
And I don’t think it ever will be.
10
ADDITIONAL SUCKAGE
Lavender
Present day
THE NEXT MORNING I get up early and make a stop at the student housing department so I can get myself on the list for a dorm room. It might be a long shot, but it certainly won’t happen if I don’t try. Turns out, there’s a pretty extensive waiting list, but if I don’t mind shared accommodations, I have a better chance. At this point, I’ll take about anything other than a cardboard box.
Unfortunately, when I head over to the registrar’s office right after, I’m even less successful. Apparently I need the macroeconomics course, and switching it to next semester isn’t an option unless I’d like to lose my elective. At least it’s only once a week. I guess it’s a good thing I stuck around for the quiz, although I don’t have much faith that I’ve managed to pass it.
As the week unfolds, I’m glad to report that the rest of my classes are awesome. So the upside is that I get macroeconomics out of the way at the beginning of the week. The downside is that the coursework for that is going to take me more hours than I would like to complete.
On Friday, the house starts filling up with random people early in the afternoon. It’s a gorgeous day and still gloriously warm as we approach the last week of August. By three o’clock, girls upon girls in skimpy bikinis are draped all over my brothers and their hockey and football friends.
Fortunately, I have plans to meet Josiah for coffee, and Lovey and Lacey are still trying to persuade me to come to their party. I pass through the kitchen, stopping to toss a few snacks in my backpack on my way out the door.
Two of River’s teammates—they immediately announce that they’re football players—start chatting up my boobs. Granted, I’m wearing a sundress that draws attention to them, but still, they don’t even attempt to keep their eyes above my neck.
The beefcake on the right belches loudly and skims one of my straps. “You got a bikini on under there?”
I shake my head and shift away from his unwelcome contact. His nails have dirt under them, which is nasty. I glance around, hoping one of my brothers will appear and tell this guy to back off. I usually keep to myself and my room when they have a lot of people over.
Instead of Maverick or River coming to my rescue, Kodiak pushes his way between the two beefcakes and slings an arm over each of their shoulders. A beer bottle dangles from his fingers and his eyes slide over me, expression full of disdain. “Who let you out of your ivory tower?”