Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 116372 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 116372 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 582(@200wpm)___ 465(@250wpm)___ 388(@300wpm)
“River, you keep hold of Lavender’s hand the entire time, okay? That’s your job,” Daddy says in his firm voice. “You hold her hand the whole time.”
It’s the voice he uses with River a lot, but he never uses it with me.
“I hold Lavender’s hand. I don’t let go. I keep her safe,” River repeats.
Daddy nods solemnly and turns to me, his expression shifting. His face is like a fresh marshmallow, softening, so much nicer. “You tell River if you don’t like it in there, okay? Robbie, Mav, and Kody will be with you.”
I nod and whisper okay. Daddy kisses me on the forehead and grips River’s shoulder. “Take care of your sister, and stay with your brothers.”
River nods and holds my hand so tight, it almost feels like the bones are bending. I want to tell him it hurts, but everyone is running toward the fun house, and I don’t want to ruin it, even though I’m already frightened.
Everything scares me.
Too much noise. Too many people. Especially too many people I don’t know.
There are a few people and things that make me feel safe.
Most of the time River is one of them, but tonight I feel like I’m on a merry-go-round and there’s no way off. I want to have fun. I want River to have fun. But the noises and the people are too much.
I stick close and hold his hand tight. My palm is damp and slippery. I feel cold and hot.
I should tell him I want to go back and stay with Mommy and Daddy, but it’s too loud and my voice is stuck. I remind myself that after this, there will be a treat, and I’ll be back where I feel the safest. And I like how proud Daddy looked when I said I wanted to go inside the fun house.
Robbie, Maverick, and Kodiak rush ahead, moving through a maze of mirrors. Kodiak looks over his shoulder, brows pinching together. He grabs Mav’s shirt and tries to get him to slow down, while River rushes to keep up with them. Maverick laughs and disappears around a corner. Kodiak hesitates, looking back one last time before he disappears too, and River urges me to move faster.
I bump into my own reflection and grip River’s hand even tighter. We’re reflected all over the place. River’s eyes are bright with excitement, his smile wide. “You’re okay, right?” he asks, eyes still focused ahead, to whatever lies around the corner.
I nod, because there’s loud music and he won’t be able to hear me. When we move away from the mirrors, some of the fear disappears, but then we have to walk through a bunch of what look like Daddy’s punching bags in our gym at home, except they have clown faces on them. I don’t like those, so I close my eyes and let River pull me along. I bump into things, and someone bangs into me from behind. I stumble and lose my grip on River, falling to my knees. Someone trips over me and a foot hits my side, so I scramble to get out of the way.
There are flashing lights in here, and every time they flicker on and off, it makes it hard to figure out which way I’m supposed to go. The hanging clowns swing above me, knocking me over when I try to stand.
River is calling my name, but my fear makes the world murky and unclear, and I feel like I’m underwater. I can’t breathe, or see, or speak anymore.
This is why Daddy wanted River to hold my hand the whole time. When I get scared, my words get stuck, and I feel frozen. It makes it hard to find me, especially in a place like this. The panic monster gets bigger in my head, taking up all the space, and I suck in shallow breaths. I try to remember all the things my art teacher, Queenie, tells me to do, but my mind is racing, racing, racing, and all I want is my mommy and not to be here anymore.
I scramble away from the feet and the bigger kids stomping and pushing their way between the hanging clowns. I bump my cheek on something hard. It brings tears to my eyes, but when I look up, I see a door with a sign that reads EMPLOYEES ONLY. I don’t know what that means, but I decide I would rather get in trouble than stay in here. I turn the knob and peek through the crack. It’s a hallway and stairs. I glance over my shoulder at the hanging clowns. I can’t go back through there.
I step out into the hallway. I feel better and worse. I just want my mommy. I want to go home and snuggle in bed with her and Daddy where it’s safest.