Total pages in book: 197
Estimated words: 186911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 935(@200wpm)___ 748(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 935(@200wpm)___ 748(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
“Because it’s not your job to do anything about it!”
Savia and I jerked, gaping at her. Mama never yelled at us. She never yelled at me.
“Mama?”
“Oh, Calli,” she sighed, squeezing her eyes shut, looking like even that much sapped her starving body of energy. “I don’t blame you, faywen. I put the weight of this family on your shoulders before you could walk. All those times I was called to the battlefield, you were left alone to care for Meli, and then again to care for Jaclan and Gisela.
“And then when I was finally allowed to stay home with my children, the wasting sickness took hold. Your whole life, I’ve either been absent, or sick and dying. It all fell down to you to be to the little ones what I was supposed to be—their mother.”
I frowned. “But, none of that was your fault.”
“It wasn’t yours either. You should’ve had a real childhood, faywen. You should’ve been a big sister, not a borrowed mother.”
My frown deepened. “Why are you saying these things? I did what I had to do because you’re my family, they’re my siblings, and I love you all. I’d do everything all over again even if couldas and shouldas could change a thing in this life. And why are you torturing yourself with these thoughts now? There’s no sense worrying about what we can’t change.”
She smiled with her eyes closed. “Exactly.”
“But...” The rest of my sentence died on my lips, chased away by my own words. “Very clever, Olene,” I deadpanned. “Well done.”
She laughed and I was sucked in, giggling along with her. “Seems your old mama still has some wisdom to impart.”
“You’re not old,” I protested. “You’re a young, beautiful woman in your prime. You still can’t walk in a straight line for the men throwing themselves at your feet.”
Mama’s laugh was thin and raspy like rubbing paper. “I knew there was a reason you were my favorite.”
I rolled my eyes, though I couldn’t help chuckling. It’d been so long since we just sat around, laughing and joking. I was always focused on keeping everything together, while Mama struggled just to get out of bed in the morning.
“Jokes aside,” Mama said, eyes still closed. “I need to tell you that I’m sorry, Calli. Your father and I never wanted any of this for you. You don’t know the shame it brings me to know that the first time in your life you’ve felt true joy, power, freedom, and love... was when you were far away from me.”
My smile melted away. “How can you say that? That’s not true.”
“No, no, my darling, I don’t say that to make you feel bad.” She found my hand across the sheets. “I’m happy you found those things. They’re everything I wanted for you. Seeing your face when you talked about your king, it reminded me of the love I had with your father.
“You’re finally happy, my sweet girl, so listen to me and listen well.” Sternness crept into her voice. “Do not let it go. Do not let him go. Don’t stay in this place and be small, when you could be there and be great.”
“Oh, I see.” I pushed up. “You overheard me and Meliora last night.”
“She doesn’t want to go with you to a land of ice, dark, and beasts,” she said knowingly. “And you don’t want to stay.”
I chewed my lip, slumping against the headboard. It was true. Meliora held her tongue that first night, but in the seven days since I returned, she’d made her feelings about moving to Lumenfell loud and clear.
It didn’t matter that we’d live in a palace where I’d be queen, and she’d soon be free of the binding. All Meliora heard was that she, the twins, and Savia would be put away in a separate, hidden part of the castle because the inhabitants couldn’t control their urges. That is until she turned into a beast like the rest of them.
She wanted no part in the life I carved out for myself in Lumenfell. Even though I knew a big part of her resistance came from rejecting another change after a massive one ruined all of our lives. While I struggled to convince her the move was best for her, that quiet part of me had been asking for days, was I uprooting my family for their happiness, or mine?
“I’m not their mother,” I whispered. “You are. So you tell me what to do, Mama? Isn’t it better to be free in the dark than chained in the light?”
“A profound question, but even so, there is only one right answer. Freedom is all, Calli. There’s nothing else that matters more than you five being able to love and live on your own terms, and you cannot do that in Lyrica.
“But if you must ask again, then I say to look to nature. Meya gave freedom to bugs and bunnies. She blessed the birds with wings. She bestowed fangs and fight on the prowling lioness. Why on earth, my precious girl, would you believe you deserve anything less?”