Total pages in book: 197
Estimated words: 186911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 935(@200wpm)___ 748(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 186911 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 935(@200wpm)___ 748(@250wpm)___ 623(@300wpm)
“Not yourself.”
The question hit me like a brick, scraping the claws of Emiana’s ghost out of my head. With it gone, everything I’d said and done came tumbling in.
“Oh, Meya,” I breathed, clapping my hand over my mouth. “Oh, no, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry!” Twisting around, I grabbed Eadaoin in a fierce hug. “I didn’t mean any of those awful things I said, Eadaoin. I can’t believe any of that came out of my mouth.”
She hesitated. “Is... is it true, then? Is the sickness taking you, my lady?”
“It’s definitely a sickness,” I said firmly. “Terrible, evil one that spreads misery without remorse. I didn’t think it would take me this quickly.” By it, I meant Emiana’s soul. I’d only been in Lumenfell for less than two moons, and in that time, she was wiping more and more of the true me away.
At this rate, I wouldn’t have long before I forgot why I had to get home. Actually, when she took me over completely, I wouldn’t want to go home at all. Not until our war plans were a success, and Alisdair reduced all of Elva to rubble and crowned her the empress of a broken, desolate kingdom. When that happened, I’d walk up to my family, assuming they survived the war, and kick the dirty peasants out of my way.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, tears staining my cheek.
“My lady, it’s okay.” Eadaoin hugged me, rubbing my back. “You don’t have to apologize that much. I know the true you. You’re sweet and kind and only yell at our lord.”
“He deserves it,” I rebounded, then we laughed.
The tension broke.
“It’s me that’s sorry.” Eadaoin drew back, squeezing my arms. “What they’ve done to you is unforgivable. I wish I could’ve protected you then, Ana. I truly do.”
I smiled sadly. “Me too,” I whispered.
Shaking myself, I cleared my throat. “Okay, forget all that nonsense I said before. I do have another delivery for Riordan. I stashed it behind a statue in the west hall. I’ll go get it, then I’ll take another poke around in the east wing. I’m not surprised someone else noticed that wing is hiding secrets. It’s about time I uncovered them. When I’m done, I’ll meet Alisdair for my archery lesson.”
“What if you can’t get the east wing to reveal its secrets?” she asked. “Wouldn’t the simplest solution be to ask our lord where he is? You two are on better terms now—fucking anywhere, everywhere, and all hours of the day.”
It’d be a long time before me and my overheated cheeks got used to how open and casual faeriken were about sex.
“Won’t he tell you now?”
I sighed. “I did ask him again, and he said the answer would forever change the way I see him”—I swallowed hard—“and there’d be no going back after that. I haven’t asked since.”
Eadaoin blinked at me, jaw slack. She didn’t have a response for that either.
I turned to Bradach, who wore a trickster’s smirk on his lips as usual. “Thank you, Bradach. You have my permission to throw freezing water in my face whenever and wherever you need to.”
“Thank you, my queen. I will abuse the privilege shamelessly.”
I snorted, smothering a laugh. Alisdair found him ceaselessly tiresome, but I couldn’t help but like Bradach.
“Shall we?” I asked Eadaoin.
She followed me indoors to my hiding place for the jewels, pearl necklaces, and two gold chalices. I placed them in her safe hands. “Would you mind taking these to him? I don’t have much time before the runes demand my presence on the training yard. I want to check the east wing while I’ve got the time.”
“I overheard Riordan say last time the family you’re blessing are becoming more insistent about knowing who is giving them these treasures.” She cocked her head. “Why don’t you want them to know?”
I want them to know more than anything. “Because the answer would only lead to more questions,” I replied. “It’s easier this way.”
“Are you sure you want to keep looking for the boy?”
Eadaoin’s whispered question stopped me mid-turn.
“What if you can’t handle the truth of why every child who comes to Castle Riagin disappears?” Her eyes were low and hooded. “We fae live long lives, my lady, and yours is now forever tied to Lord Lumenfell. If you discover he’s a monster the likes of which would shame and horrify other monsters, it’ll be a long life of misery.”
I was quiet for a long spell. “I had all of those thoughts, Eadaoin, but for better or worse, I made a promise to that boy. We’re only as good as the promises we keep, and if I break this one, I’ll be the monster that shames and horrifies other monsters.”
She smiled at me—soft, fleeting, and a little sad. “This is the true you, Lady Ana. Even if this is impertinent to say, I hope the change takes you... so that you don’t.”