Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 59120 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 296(@200wpm)___ 236(@250wpm)___ 197(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59120 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 296(@200wpm)___ 236(@250wpm)___ 197(@300wpm)
My face goes numb. “Pardon?”
“A positive result,” she repeats softly as I stare.
“Are you...sure?”
“I will order some bloodwork and an ultrasound, but yes, I’m sure.”
She outlines prenatal vitamins and next steps, but her voice feels distant.
Pregnant. No. This can’t be happening.
I emerge to find Reagan and Jasmine chatting in the waiting room. The second Reagan stands, I break down. “I’m pregnant,” I blurt, tears bursting forth and rolling down my cheeks.
“Oh girl, come on, let’s get outside so we can talk.”
She leads me outside and sits me down on a bench in the breeze. Jasmine sits on the other side, and the two of them stare at me.
“Is she sure?” Reagan asks.
“Yes, apparently quite sure. I don’t know how this happened.”
“It’ll be okay.” Jasmine squeezes my hand. “We’ll figure it out.”
I swallow hard. “I can’t believe this. I don’t know if I’m ready.”
“Come on, let’s go and find somewhere to sit and talk more.”
Reagan finds a cafe nearby where we sit and talk it out. I do feel a little better by the end of it, though my body is still numb when I think about the fact that there is a tiny baby inside me. When they drop me home, Travis is sitting on the porch, beer in hand. I get out of the car, and Reagan assures me it will be fine, and to call her when I have told him. I get out, legs jelly, and walk up the porch.
“Hey baby,” he murmurs. “How are you?”
I texted him and told him I was going to the doctor, but that is as far as I got.
“Can we talk?” I manage.
“Yeah, but first,” he hands me a slender box. “Your birthday gift.”
I take it, trying not to cry, and open it to reveal a delicate diamond necklace. Tears sting my eyes. “It’s beautiful.”
“Nothing could ever be as beautiful as you, but it comes close.”
I take a breath, really not sure how to tell him, so I avoid the subject for a second. “Janice...how is she doing?”
“She’s holding up,” he replies, keeping his tone even. “I’ve advised her to go to the police. I can’t help her further. You’re right, I don’t want anything to come between us and if he is this dangerous, she needs to get a protection order.”
I nod. “Thank you, for doing that for me. I don’t want her problems to be ours. Especially not now.”
He tips his head slightly, confused. “Why not now?”
I draw in a shaky breath. “I’m pregnant.”
He blinks, and the air around us feels as though it just stops and the world goes still.
It takes him a moment to respond. “You’re pregnant?”
I nod.
He runs a hand over his face. “How?”
“I would like to think by this point in life, you know how...”
“Fuck. You were on the pill, you said you were on the pill...”
“I did, I was, I just—sometimes I missed a morning, especially with the shooting and stuff...”
The words bunch up in my throat. I study the porch steps, so I don’t have to see the way Travis is looking at me. He doesn’t look angry, just shocked and not in a good way. “I’m sorry.”
He runs a hand down his face. “Violet, do you understand—”
His jaw sets and he shakes his head and downs the last of his beer. The bottle clinks on the wood. I want to tell him how unreal it still feels that I woke up this morning and a splatter of pink on a flimsy strip changed every cell in my body, that part of me is still convinced the doctor was wrong. I want him to say, “It’s okay. We’ll get through this,” because I don’t know what else will help right now.
Instead, he steps down onto the lawn, claps his hands and paces. “We had a plan. I got clean. Slowly working on Amber, and we were going to take it slow. How does this happen?”
“Stop it.” I hear the crack in my own voice. “You think this is all on me? Like you don’t have any part in it?”
That stops him. He stands with his back to me, fists jammed in his pockets, then spins and fixes me with a stare. “You know what I mean. Jesus, Vi.”
“Don’t call me that,” I say, quieter than I mean to, but it comes out anyway.
He walks back up to me. “What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know. But it is clear you don’t want it.”
“I never fucking said that, don’t put words into my mouth. I just don’t want to screw this up again. I’m fucking terrified, okay? That’s all I am, all the time, and now—now it’s happening again and—” He cuts off, teeth clamped so hard I can see the vein twitching in his neck.
This is going to get out of hand, and I don’t want it to, so I wipe my face with the heel of my palm and stand, walking down the steps towards my car. Travis calls my name, his voice thick with confusion. I don’t answer. I don’t look back.