Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 114068 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 570(@200wpm)___ 456(@250wpm)___ 380(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114068 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 570(@200wpm)___ 456(@250wpm)___ 380(@300wpm)
But that’s just the thing, isn’t it? He’s smart and he’s kind and he’s handsome as all get out, and because of that, he makes me stupid. That’s how I got myself into this mess in the first place. In the heat of the moment, I suggested we have unprotected sex, which I never do, and then this happened.
What other stupid shit will I do because those fucking blue eyes of his make me weak in the knees?
I never knew Duke’s mom and dad. He’s talked about them in a peripheral sort of way. But like I said last night, I can tell they were good parents. Happy parents.
Would Duke be the same kind of parent?
Could he teach me how to be too?
What if, deep down, that’s a piece of the puzzle of what I’ve been looking for? To be the kind of supportive parent I always wanted—needed—but haven’t really had?
I shove the thought aside. I’m too young to be thinking about that kind of thing. Of course I want to be a good mother. A happy mother.
But that comes later, after I build my empire and I’m able to stand on my own two feet the way my own mother was never able to. I can only imagine what she and my dad would say if I decided to have a baby with a guy I barely know—someone they’ve never heard about, much less met.
“You’re going to be a great dad,” I reply carefully. “I think we all know that. But I also know you want to travel. Take more time to figure yourself out. You’re not ready to settle down yet.”
His Adam’s apple bobs. “Ideally not, no. No, I’m not.”
“Neither am I. I don’t see how I’d be able to work the way I do and raise a kid. Especially with Mollie having her baby.”
“Right. Yeah, that’d be tough.”
Silence.
Terrible, awful silence fills the truck. We didn’t make a decision, but…
Did we just make a decision?
I’m filled with a sense of forlornness. It’s the only word I can think of that describes the sinking feeling in my stomach.
Which makes no sense. I don’t want a baby right now. I definitely don’t want Duke to have to be tied to me for the rest of his life. I know how important his freedom is to him. That’s why he volunteered to come to Aspen in the first place, isn’t it? Because he wants to experience the world. Do what he wants, when he wants.
He’s a good guy, though.
Thoughtful.
I tell him to take the next right. He puts his blinker on.
“So.” He slowly makes the turn.
I shift on the bench, tucking my hair behind my ears. “So.”
“What are you up to the rest of the day?”
“Ugh. Work. I got a flood of invoices this morning I need to pay.”
“First of the month. Fun, ain’t it?”
Chuckling, I shake my head. “I forget the ranch is a small business too. Not so small anymore actually.”
“Blue, is there anything about me that strikes you as ‘small’?” The tendons and thick sinews of his neck pop against his skin as he turns his head to flash a flirty smile at me.
Without thinking, I reach across the cab and give him a shove. “Why you gotta be so gross?”
“’Cause it makes you smile.”
Shit, it does. “I want you to know it’s not a voluntary smile.”
“But it’s there.” He splays the fingers on the hand he’s got on the gearshift. “Sorry for the bad joke.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I do dirty work for a living. Of course I’m not sorry.” He shifts gears. “How ’bout you and I take our laptops to a coffee shop or somethin’? Get out for a while, get some work done. If you start feeling bad, I’ll take you home. If you want, I’ll help you pay your invoices too.”
My heart leaps. I don’t feel great, but I don’t feel terrible. I also like the idea of having some company right now. I thought I’d feel more settled after seeing Dr. Martinez. Don’t get me wrong, she was great. But I’m still sick, and I still feel so mixed up inside.
I didn’t realize how much I wanted Duke to stay until right now.
Oh, girl, you’re in trouble.
I’m able to ignore the small voice inside me that warns I’m getting in over my head. This is Duke’s issue to deal with too. Maybe if we spend a little more time together, we’ll be able to parse out our feelings on the issue a bit more. Can’t hurt to keep talking about it, right?
“I can pay my invoices. But coffee sounds great. Actually, it sounds kind of awful, but I could totally go for a croissant the size of my head.”
Duke grins. “You got it. Point me in the direction of the nearest laptop-friendly bakery.”
My heart’s doing a goddamn pirouette now. “Next light, we’ll take a left.”