Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 107652 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107652 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 538(@200wpm)___ 431(@250wpm)___ 359(@300wpm)
I’d come up here the moment my pain had receded.
I’d stalked her from afar—watching as her friend left, Whisper visited, and I stayed alone in the dark.
I should be asleep and preparing for tomorrow but...I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Couldn’t stop replaying the feel of her breast in my hand—the delicious fullness that didn’t feel like anything else.
I hurt.
But this time it was her fault, not the vitalsync core.
I could barely stay upright without clutching the parapet, thanks to heavily repressed urges surging past all my walls.
Ever since I’d hit puberty, I’d shut down any spark of sexuality. I’d refused to touch myself when my body made it abundantly clear it needed a release. I never watched the pornography that Marcus loaded on my tablet. And even skimmed past erotic scenes in books—not giving myself any chance to fuck up by giving in.
The longer I smothered those needs, the easier it was to pretend I didn’t have them.
Not one of the girls they gave me interested me.
I hadn’t found a single one of them attractive.
Until her.
She’d caused something to crack open inside me, and a monster had crawled out.
I should feel guilt for touching her without her consent.
I didn’t.
I should be disgusted that I’d kissed her with my blood.
I wasn’t.
I was hungry.
Fucking feral to finish what I’d never started. To abandon the only control I’d ever had and finally be with someone.
Which was why I was officially done with all of this.
Tomorrow, it would all be over.
No more death or pain or blood.
I would be free—
The door creaked open behind me. The soft thuds of predator paws.
Choking on rabid craving, I muttered, “You’re finally back, you traitor.”
The sleek panther came to my side and snorted.
Catching his golden eyes as the moon shone in them, I did my best to stand tall and ignore the tangled mess my body had become. “Abandoned me to hang out with your new friend, huh?”
A pang of jealousy.
Fuck, I was jealous.
Of a cat.
Because he’d gotten to be with her when I couldn’t.
My temper simmered, even at my best friend.
He cocked his head, the tips of his fangs showing as if he took offence to my tone.
Turning back to the flaming world below, I peered past all the torches and braziers, wishing I could see through walls and watch Rook sleep.
Whisper stood up on two legs, digging his claws into the parapet. His whiskers flared as if he scented her on the breeze, a sharp longing in his eyes that made my gut clench.
I recognised that longing.
It crippled me too.
Yet another emotion caused by her.
It was getting crowded inside me and I had no idea how much longer I could cope.
But all these fantasies and all these needs might die a miserable death tomorrow because I was about to make her do something she’d probably never forgive me for.
And once it was all over, she’d probably want nothing to do with me.
But even that couldn’t stop me.
Not now.
Not when I was so close to ending it all.
Chapter Fifty
“LUCIEN?” I INCHED MY WAY AROUND HIS door, entering the sprawling quarters that he hardly ever left. “Lucien?” No signs of him as I drifted forward, glancing at all his usual spots. Not on the window seat, in the courtyard, in the wingback by the fireplace—
“You’re late.”
“God, stop doing that!” I jumped backward as he popped up from the couch. Pressing a hand to my racing heart, I scowled. “You have got to give me a heads-up from now on.”
“Why should I? When it’s so easy to scare you?” Swinging his legs to the floor from where he’d been reclining, he stood and prowled toward me. “I like having the power to make you react.”
I stilled.
Something about the way he said that hinted he wasn’t talking about making me jump.
My mouth went dry as my body sparked alive.
I’d dreamed about him last night.
Of him touching me when I was actually awake. Of touching him back—
“You’re looking at me again,” he clipped, his tone sharp.
“I am.” I nodded, blatantly drinking my fill.
Black trousers, black shirt, but no black coat today. His thick black hair fell rebelliously over his forehead, his cheekbones stark as if he didn’t have enough to eat or was being eaten alive by pain.
The silver disc glinted through the open neckline of his shirt, making him seem both dangerous and trapped, restrained by a leash and feral because of it.
No one had the right to be that good looking. No one should affect my entire soul just by existing.
“If you’re done,” he muttered. “You have a busy day ahead of you.”
“I do?”
He nodded.
“You know...working me so hard might make me sick.” I did my best to stop being so infatuated by him. “And then where will you be? You’ll have to look after me instead of me looking after you.”