Total pages in book: 62
Estimated words: 59521 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 298(@200wpm)___ 238(@250wpm)___ 198(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 59521 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 298(@200wpm)___ 238(@250wpm)___ 198(@300wpm)
Ace looks over at Zeke, then Kellen. “How many left?”
Zeke’s jaw works. “Ten.”
Ace thinks on it. “We can try and wean you down, but ten tablets isn’t enough to do that. The only option might be cold turkey. It will hurt like hell, but it’s the quickest and easiest way while we’re stuck out here.”
Tatiana’s laugh is sharp and bitter. “Have you ever seen someone go cold turkey? It’s terrifying. I’ll probably be screaming and crying,” she exhales, long and slow, “But it’s fine. What choice do we have? We’re stuck here.”
I squeeze her arm. “You’re not alone, okay? No matter how hard it gets, we will be here every single step of the way. We will not let you go through this alone.”
Aggie rubs Tatiana’s back, her voice positively fierce. “We’re with you. We have electrolytes which will help, and we will take turns to make sure someone is by your side the whole time.”
There’s a moment where we all share a look, a knot of terror and affection and pity, and I know that no matter what happens next, nothing will be the same.
Tatiana looks up, her breath shaky. “I’m scared.”
“I won’t sugar coat it,” Ace says. “It’ll hurt, it will, but once it’s over... it’s over. When we get back, you can get some help to make sure you don’t relapse. We got this.”
Tatiana presses her hands to her face, and I think she’s hiding tears again, but then she takes a deep breath and lifts her chin. “Okay,” she says. “I’m ready.”
I want to feel hope, but I don’t. I just feel raw.
It’s terrifying.
Anything could go wrong.
But what choice do we have.
We have to do this, for her.
IT’S HORRIBLE.
The first two days, all Tatiana does is cry.
She just cries.
Her head hurts, her body hurts, and she is scratching her arms to try and relieve some tension.
On days three and four, she vomits. A lot.
She can’t keep anything down, and she groans all night, finally passing out during the day. It’s horrible to watch. She is strong, but she’s also broken right now and all she wants to do is curl up and not wake up. Those were her words to me on the fifth morning, when the ache in her muscles got too much. We are keeping the electrolytes up to her, it is the only thing that helps. She refuses to even take Tylenol for the headaches, afraid it will send her spiraling, which is fair enough.
On the eighth day, she finally loses it. She’s sobbing, rocking, nails scratching. When I try to hold her she shoves me away so hard I hit my head against the boulder we’re leaning against. She bolts, bare feet crunching through the jungle, and it’s Zeke who finally chases her down, tackling her at the edge of the water like she’s a wild animal brought to ground.
When he carries her back, she’s limp, shaking, eyes glassy with something less than terror and more than pain. Kellen mixes up electrolyte powder and holds the cup to her lips, his voice gentle. “You just gotta keep breathing, that’s all you focus on right now. Breathing.”
Finally, on the tenth day, we see color come back into her face and she even laughs at one of Adrian’s bad jokes. The guys are busy trying to fix the old boat up, and Adrian spends his days with his makeshift spear, cursing at the fish as he tries desperately to get one. Him talking to himself has become so normal, none of us even notice now.
I am almost convinced it will be okay. That maybe we are turning a corner.
But of course, nothing is ever that easy.
Because the next day, everything changes. Adrian has decided he is going to swim finally, certain he has learned well enough to be able to spear some fish. He is desperate to bring something in, but mostly, I think it keeps him entertained, and us, because it’s hilarious to watch. With his uncoordinated flailing, all we can see are his legs flapping around as he dives under.
But, he seems to be holding his own, so we let him go.
It is just a normal day, I am sitting on the shore beside Aggie, watching him float and sink, curse and bellow.
But then his curses turn into something I have never heard coming from him.
Blood-curdling screams.
The kind of sound I will never forget.
I shove to my feet, heart in my throat as I try to see him. All I can see is the water splashing, and then, it just turns red. Like a bad fucking horror movie. I gasp, reeling backwards and I am screaming out for help without thought. Kellen is the first to react, launching himself down the beach at a full sprint. He plunges straight into the water and swims out. Tatiana is yelling that there is a shark out there and Rachel is pressing her hands to her mouth, eyes wide as she watches in horror.