Total pages in book: 159
Estimated words: 155775 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 779(@200wpm)___ 623(@250wpm)___ 519(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 155775 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 779(@200wpm)___ 623(@250wpm)___ 519(@300wpm)
She didn’t blame him for sounding confused. It was a complete turnaround from this morning.
Addie searched for the words to explain. “I was scared this morning.”
“Scared of me?” he asked. “Are you worried I might hurt you?”
“Not scared of you physically,” she explained. “I’m always scared to do anything new. What if I make a mess of this? What if I do it wrong? What if I try and I don’t like it, and then I have to tell you? I’m not used to any of this. I’m completely out of my depth, and it just seems easier to hide away. But the thing is, I’ve always hidden away and I’m tired of it. I’m tired of having regrets. I’m tired of doing nothing. I might never have a chance to experience this again and I think I should. I think I should do it with you because you make me feel safe.”
“I do?” he asked.
“Yeah. Whenever you hug me or are near me I feel safer. That’s a big thing for me. I very rarely feel safe. I always feel like someone is going to try and hurt me. I know that sounds silly. Nobody really knows I exist . . . when I’m back home anyway.”
There was silence and she glanced down at everything she had typed. Why had she just blurted everything out like that?
What an idiot.
Leave, Addie.
Run.
No. No, she was going to try and not do that anymore. Running wasn’t an option right now. She was going to stay and she was going to take his reaction.
Then she could run.
Because no doubt she’d be completely humiliated.
“I am fucking amazed and flattered you feel safe in my arms. I don’t think anyone has ever paid me a compliment like that.”
And here it went. The rejection. The part where he told her ‘but’. She braced herself.
“And I would love to be your Daddy while you’re here.”
35
“All right, I’ll just leave now. Nice to know . . . wait . . . did you say yes?” she said croakily.
He said yes?
How did that happen? Well, she probably shouldn’t be surprised since he’d been the one to start all this. But there was a part of her that didn’t believe anyone would ever want anything to do with her.
Yes, her self-confidence was in the tank. She wasn’t sure she’d ever had any. If she had, it had disappeared as a child under her father’s neglect, her mother’s mood swings, and the bullying from other children.
She guessed that it probably all started when her father first abandoned her and her mother.
Hard to believe that any other man would want you when your own father hadn’t.
“Yeah, baby. Surely that isn’t a surprise?”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Are you?” he asked.
“No,” she wrote. “But I want to give this a go. If things go wrong, if you don’t like it, if you get sick of me, will you tell me?”
He frowned. “And what if you don’t like it? What if you want to stop? Will you tell me?”
It was a good question, and one she wasn’t really sure she knew the answer to.
“If either of us want to stop, we can tell the other person. I’m not going to get upset if you don’t like this and don’t want it anymore. If there’s something I’m doing you don’t like, then either use a safeword like red. Or a gesture. How about you tap my cheek three times?” he suggested.
She thought she could probably do that. She nodded.
“Give it a go now.”
Reaching up, she tapped his cheek three times.
“You can do it harder than that.”
She touched him harder.
“Whoa, easy. Not so hard. I’m gonna have a mark there.”
Addie gaped at him in horror. Had she really marked him? She hadn’t meant to. Oh my God, what had she done?
“Sorry, Addie, that was just a joke,” he said. “Obviously, not a very funny one from the look on your face.”
Oh, right.
Yeah, it hadn’t been very funny.
“Just to be clear, you’d rather keep this private? To ourselves?”
“I don’t mind if other people know, so long as no one is laughing at me. But I’m not sure about . . . about doing anything in front of others,” she said through the phone.
Urgh. That sounded so awkward.
He nodded. “Understood. We can ease into that. So now we need to discuss the rules.”
Oh. Eek.
“No more talking until your throat is no longer sore and you’re speaking more easily.”
“I know my voice sounds awful at the moment so I’ll try not to talk but sometimes it’s hard to remember.”
“Your voice does not sound awful. That’s another rule.”
What was? Not saying that her voice sounded awful? But it did. It was all raspy.
“What is?” she asked.
“You are not allowed to put yourself down. Next is honesty. I’m relying on you to be honest with me, Addie. No lying to me or to yourself. and I won’t be pleased if you aren’t honest. Fair warning.”