Total pages in book: 74
Estimated words: 68478 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 342(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68478 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 342(@200wpm)___ 274(@250wpm)___ 228(@300wpm)
“It was not your fault,” I say soothingly.
“Actually, it was.” Mardok’s voice is raw. “I made the call to land there. Then I told them to go back. Any other leader would have stuck with one decision, but I just sent them running. And I was the one that chose the pilot for the troop ship that day, even though I knew he was a coward. Funny thing, I put him in charge of piloting instead of our regular guy because he was a keffing coward and I didn’t want him to break lines and cause a problem on the ground.” His mouth pulls up in a hard, angry version of a smile. “Funny how a decision can haunt you like that.”
“What did you do?” I ask. “How did you escape?”
“I didn’t. Not really.” He pats his discolored side. “Our entire squad was mowed down. I had a hole blown through my middle and my arm sheared off. I think I also got struck in the head, but I don’t much remember that.” He touches his temple, and I see a small, silvery scar just below one of his horns. “They must have thought I was dead, because I woke up half-buried in the pile of bodies they’d left behind on the plains.”
I shiver, horrified.
“It was night. I remember that. I remember looking up at the stars and smelling the dead. There’s no smell quite like it. I remember lying there, too weak to move, stuck between the rotting corpses of my friends.” He closes his eyes and gives a small shake of his head. “Oddly enough, that wasn’t the worst part about it. I couldn’t move, but I could look up at the stars. And as I did, I saw the transport carrier overhead. They’d kept it low enough to be visible to the naked eye—I guess because of a change in maneuvers—and I remember staring up at it and feeling so abandoned. I’d been left to die.” He shudders again. “Took them three days to find me. Still not sure how I lived through it.” He meets my gaze and manages a small smile. “They patched me up and asked me if I wanted to continue my contract. I didn’t, though. I bailed out. Got a pension, and I had it set up as a trust for the families of the guys in my squad. Didn’t seem right that I take the money.”
I rub his shoulder, hurting for him. “I am so sorry, Mardok.”
His hand covers mine. “I think that’s why I have issues with the thought of being left behind somewhere. It all goes back to that night. The moment I hear a ship taking off without me, I just panic. I think Trakan’s words hit a little too close to home.”
I feel sick to my stomach. He’ll never stay with me, I realize. Not here. Not when it is his worst fear to be left behind. And I am full of sorrow for what he had to go through, but also heartsick for him, because I love him.
I cannot leave him.
If it means choosing between my people and the man I love, the mate I am destined to have, I pick him. I touch his face, gently turning him toward me. “I will go with you when you leave.”
Mardok’s eyes widen in surprise. “You will?” At my nod, his smile fades. “I didn’t tell you my sad story to try and push you into the decision, Farli. I just wanted you to understand that…sometimes my head isn’t in a good place.”
“I know this,” I tell him soothingly. I slide around and move into his lap, keeping my arms around his neck. I press my forehead to his, our horns interlocking. “I would not make you stay behind, not if it means hurting your spirit. Not when you do not like it here. I can go with you. See the worlds like you have promised.”
“You want to?”
I cup his face in my hands. “More than anything, I want to be at your side. It is where I belong.” I will not think about what I lose if I leave—my family, my tribe, my pet, the life I have known—I will weep for those things another time. For now, I am with Mardok, and he needs my love.
“Gods, I love you, Farli,” he murmurs, his gaze searching my face. “You’re sure?”
“I am sure.”
He leans forward, and his mouth captures mine in a hungry kiss. I eagerly return it, pressing my body against him as our mouths meld. There is nothing for me here if Mardok leaves. Without him, I will be lost, and I suspect he will be, too. This way, we are together forever. Hungry for him, I lick at his mouth, and he groans and holds me tighter, stroking his tongue against mine. The kissing soon becomes hot and fierce, and I am panting between each crash of our mouths together. I pull away briefly, though it is difficult. I want nothing more than to kiss him for endless hours, until the moons fade and the suns return. I could spend a lifetime kissing his perfect, wonderful mouth.